How to Lose an Audience in Ten Minutes

Some people cleave to the notion that the more frequent use of hyperbole, the better case it makes for their argument. For me, it has always smacked of overstatement, but I kid you not when I saw the very face of Satan as I watched How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. Just so no one suspects any equivocations on my part, this bottom-feeding piece of sludge deserves to grind to a halt the careers of anyone involved in the making of this movie.

In one corner, there's Ben (Matthew McConaughey) an Advertising Executive who's competing for a big account with De Lauer, the most prominent diamond company in the world. To land this venture, he makes a wager with his boss that he could make any woman fall and stay in love with him for ten days.

Then there's Andie Anderson (Kate Hudson), an aspiring, serious minded journalist stuck writing "How To" articles in a prominent women's magazine. Concerned with world events, politics, and the economy, Andie wants to abandon the fluff pieces for more serious fare, but she just can't catch a break. In fact she has such lofty intellectual ambitions, that the movie spends a great deal of time establishing the fact that she's an avid Knicks fan.

Inspired by her friend's relationship woes, Andie comes up with the idea to write about the dating "don'ts" that women commit during courtship. The basic, but flawed, premise is this: in order to garner notes for her article, Andie needs to date a man for ten days and do everything possible to lose him, while Ben needs to hold onto the woman he's dating for at least ten days so that the diamond account is his.

Laughing yet? Cue up the sight gags and the uninspired skits that follow. Watch Andie festoon Ben's apartment with cuddly teddy bears, stock up his medicine cabinet with feminine hygiene products and all things pink. While it's cute at first, the set up quickly becomes a stale, one-note joke. The antics just get more extreme and tiresome, and ultimately become more tortuous for Ben - not to mention the audience, too.

Kate Hudson does her best, but ultimately overdoes it in some parts. I can't say much for her shallow performance, except that she does emit occasional flashes of the comedic chops that her mother bears in spades. But I have to admit that Hudson looked very fetching in that canary yellow gown during one of the final scenes. Prancing away in that shimmering yellow satin, I was briefly mesmerized by Hudson's bobbing ass. Wearing no panties I admired the beauty that was Kate Hudson in all her wagging pudendal glory.

Speaking of pudenda - ladies, hold onto your labia, Matthew McConaughey is one hell of a looker. With a bounty of thick curly hair, lantern jaw and slight southern drawl, McConaughey, as per usual, coasts by on his looks and virile charms alone. It's McConaughey playing himself - no depth and no character development revealed beyond the introduction to his wacky family three quarters into the movie. Perhaps it's unfair to blame McConaughey since the script itself is so feeble, but a smarter actor would know enough to be in on the joke.

I don't think it's giving anything away when I say that Andie and Ben eventually settle their differences and fall in love at the end - anyone with half a brain could have figured that from the commercial. Instead, the film's director, Donald Petrie, doesn't trust the audience's intelligence enough to suffuse this formulaic twaddle with any kind of meaningful characterization or subtle humor. It's the story of two careerists willing to advance themselves at the expense of the other, and no tacked on happy ending should make anyone buy this little tart spiked with malice.

In conclusion, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days is a dumbed-down chick flick/date movie pieced together assembly line style. Bring the popcorn and the speculum.