How to Lose an Online Argument, Online Bullying

One of my top entries on Associated Content is "Sagging Pants: Hip-Hop Trend or Prison Trend." When I wrote this entry, I never expected it to hit the top of Google or that it would stay there so long. I did expect people to defend the fashion trend, but the malicious language used to defend the trend is counterproductive. I don't expect everybody to agree with me about this fashion nightmare, but I'm always interested in people telling me why do they continue to sag. The problem is I have to delete about 45 percent of the comments I get defending the trend because it's usually comments like the one I got this morning:

"jose hernandez said: fuck all ya b?&%*ches my pants sag lower than that." (Note: I'm using symbols instead of the actual word he used, although he didn't give me that same courtesy.)

The problem with this comment is that it really doesn't give me an intelligent reason why a person would continue to sag or why sag in the first place. However, I see these types of comments on other boards, too. While the commenter may think he's proving a point, in the process, he's making himself look worse. Do you want to know how to immediately discredit your comment and lose an online argument or debate? Here's how.

Don't prove your point by explaining why you disagree. Instead make sure you call the writer or other commenters every malicious name you can think of without knowing if they actually can be that.

How this commenter came to the conclusion that I must be a "b?&%*ch" because I don't care for sagging pants is beyond me. If everybody is a b?&%*ch because they don't like sagging pants, we've got a lot of b?&%*ches walking around. I find it especially childish when people start calling folks "sluts," "hoes" and "tricks." How you managed to prove someone's sexual reputation for disagreeing about a post must really make you smarter than the average bear, huh? If you have to resort to name calling to prove your point because you're not intelligent enough to be able to hold a discussion, you've already lost the other person's respect. I remember an AC Source Writer calling me a "biznatch" because I didn't agree with her about Nicki Minaj. Instantly I shut down on conversing with her and she had the audacity to want an apology. That'll never happen.

Call the writer or commenter a "hater."

If you're a Common fan, you already know this lyric, "If I don't like it, I don't like it, that don't mean that I'm hatin'." Everybody who doesn't like the same thing you like is not jealous of the person you two are speaking about. It is possible that everybody is just not going to be a fan of who you're a fan of. If the other person can explain why he's not a fan, attempt to listen to his rationale. Now if the other person is writing blogs saying, "I Hate _______" in the subject line, you have every right to call that person a "hater." If the person sincerely sounds like he's jealous of another person's success and truly wishes he was in that other person's shoes, then fine. But if you're talking to a computer technician who can't rap but doesn't like your favorite rapper, calling him a "hater" just sounds crazy. If he can't rap and is comfortable in his position, who is he hating on? He may not like who you like, but that doesn't mean he wants to be the other person. He's just not a fan. It's not even realistic to think everybody has to enjoy every artist you do. You can't please everybody, and the terms "hater" and "hating" are overused.

Bring up irrelevant points that have nothing to do with the current post.

This happens a lot of times in politics. If someone doesn't agree with a politican's views, she'll start bringing up past things the politician has done wrong even if the current post has nothing to do with that previous situation. If you want to disagree with a writer, that's your right. But explain why you don't agree with the topics being discussed in the actual post and stop bringing up topics that relate about as well as tampons and roaches.

Immediately bring up religion to explain why this writer is wrong even if the post has nothing to do with religion.

Telling a writer she doesn't live Godly enough may work for someone who is also religious, but it's not going to work with an agnostic or atheist writer. You'll also insult the hell out of someone who actually is religious but just doesn't agree with you. While religion may certainly be a strong part in your life, don't try to guilt someone into believing your opinion must be right because you go to church and read religious material. At least give the writer or commenter enough credit to debate the facts.

Talk about what you "heard" without any credible source or use a source that can constantly be changed (ex. Wikipedia).

I cringe every time somebody tells me "Wikipedia says." Wikipedia's site gives everybody the opportunity to go into the site and edit it. I've had a debate with Wikipedia about incorrect information on their site entirely too many times. The problem with Wikipedia is not just that anybody can go into the site and type in whatever they like, but the site is also pretty biased when it comes to linking sources. Wikipedia banned Associated Content because writers get paid for their entries, and apparently the site thinks that if you link an AC article, it must be to gain a profit. Never mind if the writer actually talked to a credible source to prove the correction needs to be made. Ask any professional fact checker or editor from an educational textbook publisher or a newspaper reporter, and you'll be told Wikipedia is not the final source on making sure information is correct. As far as gossip, play the Telephone Game. Whisper something into someone's ear, and let that person whisper it into 10 more people's ears. See what kind of ridiculous message you find out from the last person. It's never what you initially said.

Drown the commenters with sarcasm or insult their intelligence.

Sarcasm can be amusing when used at the right time. There are plenty of T-shirts, posters and signs that make it clear to those who are a fan of it. But if you really want to prove a point, if you come off sounding sarcastic or "talking down" to the other debater, your point will be lost. You can make your point without insulting the other person. Would you rather the person understand your response or immediately go into defense mode and not hear a word you're saying because you're too busy trying to be cute?

Be the last-word champion.

You do not collect the prize behind Door A. You don't get a trophy. You don't even get a certificate. Once you've made your point, that person has made his point and you two just aren't seeing eye to eye, leave it alone. You don't have to keep revisiting a blog to argue over and over and over again unless you have new material. If you really want the commenter or writer to understand where you're coming from, that's fine. But I recall writing "Tough Love Letter to Black Women Who Hate When Black Men Are in Interracial Dating Relationships" and a user by the name of Mariah Clark debated with me so many times that I just got tired of arguing. No matter how many times I said "let's agree to disagree," she just kept coming back to repeat the same points. I ran into this a lot while doing the 8-part reporting series on the Jena 6 trial (Chicago rally, part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6 and part 7) with people who were determined to drive me crazy. Yes, this is an AC visit for me, but is it worth it?

For you debaters out there, you have every right to disagree with a blogger, reporter or reviewer. But make your point without being disrespectful or participating in online bullying. Quiet as it's kept, you can make a point without resorting to playground tactics of name-calling, being hostile and trying to egg other people on. The school bell rang. Let's go back to class and have some class, too. The best way to make a point is to prove your opponent wrong by correct, credible information; keeping your cool under pressure; trying to find new ways to get the other person to understand where you're coming from and knowing when it's time to shut up.