How to Lose Weight Growing Up in a Food Equals Love Household Dynamic

This trick likely will not work for everyone, but if you see yourself in this pattern then it can really help you.The trick is to think about what you eat before you eat it. Yes, I know, the Nobel Diet Award will not be going to me this year, but please keep reading. Many of us grew up in a house that food was associated with love, gifts, affection, holidays, and comfort. You do not have to end up overweight for this to alter your adult perception of food and what you eat and when you eat it. A Grandparent or parent that grew up in the Great Depression is likely to take pride in being able to provide ample food or treats to later generations that were often scarce in their childhood. What might have been a Christmas treat for them becomes standard Sunday fare at Grandma's house. Such relatives often are so excited to provide food in such abundance and even have extra portions that they eagerly urge you to eat, so much so that many of us took extra portions without really wanting them.

Growing up, our house was a food based rewards house. Grandma made lots of desserts as a treat, and she did it constantly. When Dad packed your lunch for school there was an extra Twinkie (or two) in there and portions were really more suited for a grown-up than a grade school student. Good grades, exams, achievements and good report cards got trips to the ice cream shop or McDonald's for fries and a shake. Candies would frequently be brought over by family friends as a treat for kids. Uncle always brought ice cream for the kids and specialty candies for the adults. The holidays were completely out of control in the abundance of food. And then over course, there was Cookie Monster from Sesame Street who seemed like he could always have another cookie. Who was I to question his blue furry wisdom?

Now I am not complaining about parents who try to reward good behavior or celebrate the accomplishments in their children's lives, I have no complaints as to my families' affection and attention to their children. The portions were not reckless and we had plenty of healthy food in the house and ate healthy meals and none of us were overweight kids. I can't really say I turn to food in times of trauma or emotional turmoil or stress, but like most of us I do associate food with having a good time or celebrating, and this resulted in associating food and treats with the most nominal of events. In addition, there were always lots and lots of food in the house, and bringing home someone's favorite candy was usually a gift that we shared with others in the house. When people came to visit, they usually brought desserts or snacks. We did lots of entertaining and always had leftovers. People usually brought a dessert for us. Then around holidays, specialty cookies and cakes and pies came out that I ate whether or not I felt like it. When we would help the elderly neighbors with a chore or two, the thank you gift was food. Then when the after holiday sales started, cookies and candies were on clearance so we had endless snacks post-holiday. This led to cookies, cakes, and candies being left around on the counter or table for consumption all day long. I often find myself sticking a cookie in my mouth without even thinking about if I even wanted a cookie or was hungry. This happened frequently enough that I would often consume 5 or 6 cookies a day just walking back and forth in the kitchen as I attended to other things and not even realize I had done so until seeing the empty cookie box and I had not even particularly enjoyed them. When I began working out of my home, this pattern became a problem. At least when I worked in an office I would have to spend money to get food and would have to think about it first. Now at home, with no real set structure for meals, snacking was just too easy.

If this sounds like you, this sort of snacking really adds up calorie wise without even realizing you consumed a meals' worth of calories without really enjoying it. A simple store bought chocolate chip cookie is often 100 - 200 calories each. My five or six cookies a day was 1,000 to 1,200 calories - more like what I should be having for dinner than food of no nutritional account. If this sounds like you, decide if you want a cookie or the cookie is just there so you are eating it. If you feel like you want SOMETHING but you don't know what it is, don't start with a cookie, start with fruit or a glass of water or a diet soda.

This is my diet trick: First, be aware of if I am eating something instead of just eating it and not paying attention, and before I do eat it, deciding if I actually want THAT item. Am I even hungry? If I am generally hungry, I try to substitute something healthier. Sometimes I eat when I am actually just thirsty, so I try having a drink first and seeing if the food craving is still there. Do I still even want the cookie if I leave the room and I am not looking at the cookie? If I still want the cookie, then I have a cookie. But I do not have 5 cookies without even thinking about it. And if I do have five cookies, I recognize that is my dessert for the day.

I lost 15 pounds just asking myself this question whenever I thought of it and I really did not feel deprived, I ate cookies when I wanted them and did not when I realized I just was eating out of habit. If I was hungry and sort of grazing, I tried to think if there was something healthier - some nuts, a yogurt, some cereal, that is around the same number of calories but better for you, since if I was really actually hungry, I felt I should have something more nutritious like a small meal. Another thing I realized is while eating all of this "rewards" food, I was not really hungry enough to eat a healthy lunch, so I needed to remember to focus on getting my daily food requirements first and then consider snacks as I felt like them. Since a bowl of Progresso Soup and two store bought cookies are about the same calories, decide if you are generally hungry and what will fill that hunger.

The same applies to extra portions, many of us grow up thinking we must clear our plate to not waste food, and we do not thinking about how many dollops of butter or mayonnaise you use. Try assessing the items that you butter for what is the minimum amount of butter that will satisfy your butter craving and pre-measure those portions. Leave the butter in the fridge so it does not get all melted and easy to spread, you just use more calories that way. When using mayonnaise, try using half the amount you do normally and assess for taste, adding in small amounts as you go. I find it easier to try to cut back on the high fat things you like instead of trying to substitute with a low fat or substitute version. If you really like using lots of butter or mayonnaise, try using smaller bread and sandwich portions so that the regular acceptable amount of butter or mayonnaise saturates the smaller food item without increasing your butter or mayo based calories.

EATING AT THE HOUSE OF THE RELATIVE WHO FEEDS YOU TOO MUCH

The problem still exists when well meaning relatives feel it is generous too offer too much food and extra portions that you do not want and after years of a family dynamic being set in place, you just don't want to offend Grandma. Realistically, an older person may not be in the position to do many of the things they used to do and cooking for others might be something they feel that they can still do for you. You likely have less contact with your relatives as an adult, so it is important to try to not offend them by seeming vague about why you suddenly don't seem to want to be the reigning champion of clearing your plate anymore. I try to deal with this by either being the one to invite over for major family gatherings and while offering generous amounts of food, I try to infuse more healthy choices into the traditional favorites and still have the customary trimmings. In doing so, if you can ask Grandma or the relative to make their traditional classic dessert since it would not be Thanksgiving without her pie, then you can still have a generous portion of what she made without noticeably scaling back on other items. If I am at Grandma's house and she is pushing extra food on me, I ask if I can take the extra portion home to eat the next day for dinner. She has always seemed pleased to do this since it shows I enjoyed the meal and she feels I am going to eat well the next night. Usually she does not notice if I skip something like the dinner rolls which keeps me from over eating too much, or if I take smaller portions of some items or if I keep the sauces and gravies to a minimum. I try to skip the bowl of nuts or cheese and crackers that she always leaves out for pre-meal snacking, she usually could use help in the kitchen or doesn't; mind if you want to sit with her and chat while others watch the game or the holiday parade. I make a point to ask for seconds of something she takes pride in - perhaps an extra piece of the traditional holiday turkey and I pour some gravy onto another spot on my plate for dipping instead of covering the turkey. Turkey is really fairly low calorie compared to the other higher calorie items of the traditional Thanksgiving and Christmas fare. Knowing it unlikely that Grandma's are going to change their spots, I find it easiest to eat healthier on my own time and simply enjoy the meal and exercise a little more instead of trying to change the way she does things or risk offending her by refusing any item. If you are aware that eating when you are not hungry and without thinking about it is your habit the rest of the time, then holiday or family gatherings are probably safe to eat any way you want. It is really the mindless eating in your day to day life that is the problem.

Now if you live with the relative who over feeds you or is offended when you do not eat their food to an excess, you probably have to deal with the fact that you are trying to eat healthier or at least not as much. Pick a non-offensive category - like a store bought item - and try to isolate your cutting back to that area. You are probably still on the hook for their specialty items. If your health is at risk, you have to find a way to deal with the relative without making them think you are rebuffing their love, you are only declining extra portions of their food, not them. You may have to take matters into your own hands and do more of the actual cooking or shopping. Sometimes offering to cook together alleviates this problem.

While you may not have had the overflow of desserts that my house had, many people grow up in households that focus on associating holiday eating, big meals and a general food as gift of love type concept that does play into how you eat and snack when you are not really that hungry as an adult. While many diet plans have you make general sacrifices, I found it easiest to not think about dieting all the time and just try to focus on each potential high calorie event like eating snacks or cookies I was not really interested in eating. In the long run, mindless eating when you are not hungry has a bigger calorie impact than having a second portion at holiday meals.