How to Love Yourself After Being Disowned by Your Parents

It was the worst day of my life. My parents disowned me. They wanted nothing to do with me... ever. How do you love yourself again after being disowned by your own parents?

Allow Yourself To Grieve
Whether your parents disowned you yesterday or a decade ago, you need to grieve. If you don't, then it will build up and explode at the worst possible time. Let your emotions out. Scream, cry, kick something (not someone). Grieve as long as you need to until you no longer feel homicidal or suicidal.

Don't Over-Think It
Whatever the reason for your parents disowning you, you need to realize that they are the one with the problem, not you. You were made perfect in God's eyes, and love is supposed to be unconditional, not "I'll love you if you do this or stop doing that." Don't dwell or "over-think" on what you should have said or done.

Change Your Surroundings
Sometimes living in the same area as your parents is just a reminder for you. It can be good to have a change in scenery, whether it's across town or across the country. I moved from Arizona to Texas after my parents disowned me and was able to start over.

Discover Yourself
Disowned children often feel empty and unlovable. Learn to accept yourself and discover what makes you great. Can you draw or write? Are you good at fixing things or giving advice? Once you find something you're good at, focus on it and train that talent. Let others know about your gift. Disowned children will often not think much of their talents, but in time when you see what a positive impact it has on others, you will see why God gave you that gift.

Get Connected To Others
Find others through a church, school, work, or even your neighbors. Don't just accept friendship with anyone simply because you need to be accepted. This is a common mistake. Choose quality people who are supportive and have good moral character.

What To Tell Others
You don't need to tell others that your parents disowned you. You don't want pity, you want support. I usually tell people my parents live in another state, which is true. When they ask how often we visit, I tell them that it's been awhile and change the subject. When you develop friendships that are on a deeper level, you can reveal more. Whatever you do, don't lie! Lies get found out and destroy friendships.

Turn It Around
Instead of focusing on why your parents don't love you, think about how this will improve your life. I spent most of my life trying to get my mother's love. I cried every day and sent her letters weekly that got returned. When she disowned me, she was actually doing me a favor. I now have self-confidence, no longer have violent outbursts, and don't react hysterically from jealousy. I have accepted my gifts and use them to benefit others. I no longer talk down to myself. You can do the same.

Counseling
My trauma was so great in my mind, that I was diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Our minds can only handle so much before shutting down or getting hypersensitive. Talking with a counselor helped me greatly. I didn't see the point at the beginning, but they had great advice and helped me work through my insecurities.

Having a parent disown you is a horrible ordeal. Perhaps they loved you once or maybe never at all. Remember, you are worthy, you are full of good things, and you have gifts and talents that shouldn't go to waste. Whatever you do, be sure that you follow the above steps so you don't build resentment, or worse, end up disowning your own children someday.