How to Maintain a Healthy Marriage: A Husband's Guide

Maintaining a healthy marriage does not occur by chance. It involves a lot of hard work and commitment on both sides. No one spouse in the marriage can "carry" a marriage, while the other spouse does nothing to help maintain it. Think of the effort you will go to to fix a problem around the house. You will not simply ignore a burst pipe and hope it will mend itself. Doing so would be disastrous. It is the same with marriage. Careful thought and consideration is required in order to help maintain a healthy marriage. The following points will address how to do this.

How to avoid complacency

Some couples believe that once they are married there is no need to continue to make an effort to impress their spouse. Romance may be replaced by complacency and every day routine. "I married you, didn't I?" isn't the response many wives are looking for when they ask their husbands if they love them! What they want is to be told that they are loved, without having to prompt their husbands. They should be quick to tell their spouse that they love and cherish them. It does not have to occur every minute of the day, but a few words of love will not go unnoticed or unappreciated, however many times we have heard those words. So do not just demonstrate through actions that you love your spouse. Be sure to also tell them how you feel about them as well. Surprise your spouse by writing them a brief note and slip it into their hand bag so they can read it later. This is very romantic! No one wants to feel as though they are taken for granted and no longer valued as highly as they once were. So think of ways to please your wife and she will thank you for it.

Romance does not die at the altar

A couple will decide to get married and one spouse may think that they will always have a romantic, exciting life together with their spouse. But the other may have different views. Romance does not have to die at the altar the moment you are married. Just because you have laundry and dishes to get done, does not mean you can't also keep the romance alive in your marriage. One way couples can do this is to arrange to go out on dates with their spouse. Before they were married, this was probably something they did on a regular basis, as they were getting to know one another. But after marriage, many believe the "hard" work is now over. They have married their spouse, so what more could they possibly want? Marriage comprises of so many different aspects, that it is hard to talk about everything. But one thing that is important is to still view your spouse as an attractive and fun person that you want to spend time with. Make the effort by getting dressed up and visiting a nice restaurant or one of your old haunts that you used to go to prior to your marriage. It may re-ignite some wonderful memories and help you re-connect with your spouse romantically. You can also show your spouse you care by resorting to the old-fashioned, but still effective, bunch of flowers, chocolates or even just a romantic "I love you" card. By giving your spouse a small gift or a card when there is no occasion for it, you are showing that you do not take them for granted and that you do not need to be prompted by any event to show them how much you care. You have 365 occasions each year to prove your love for your spouse. Do not limit it to actual set dates such as wedding anniversaries, or your efforts may lose their appeal and sense of spontaneity. So long as she does not suspect you have a guilty conscience, flowers and chocolates are bound to impress your wife!

Spend time together

Can you remember back to the early days when you used to long to see your sweetheart each day and how you hated to be parted from them? Many couples lose that feeling once they get married and just fall into a routine that does not involve spending much time together. Perhaps you have clashing work schedules or you have other commitments that demand a great deal of your time. There are certain situations that cannot be helped. If your time during the week is limited, try to think of alternative ways that you can make the most of the time you do have to be together and use that time productively. Weekends may be the best time to be together. Go out somewhere together, visit a museum or do something else that interests you both. Make sure that the time you do have available is spent wisely.

Learn how to listen effectively

This goes for other family members too, but especially for spouses. A lack or total absence of communication and a failure to listen to one another can easily escalate. This is truly sad. Do not underestimate your spouse's need to talk. It may seem like a very mundane issue. But to your spouse, it is worth discussing. Sometimes, wives just want to air their feelings, rather than be given an instant solution. So husbands, resist the urge to interrupt your wife and offer her a solution to her problem. You may clearly see the way out of her problem and out of your love for her, you think you are helping. Unfortunately, this can backfire. Your wife may complain that you "never listen" to her, whereas you firmly believe that you do. Look at it this way. If you were trying to explain a problem to your boss at work and he kept interrupting you without letting you finish what you had to say, would you feel as if he was trying to solve your problem? It is unlikely. Another thing to bear in mind is that when wives wish to talk to their husbands, they like to have their full attention. If you are watching TV or in the middle of doing something else, timing might be an issue. Rather than tell your wife to leave you alone, tell her you will be able to talk to her at the next opportunity. That may be 10 minutes or 2 hours from now. But you have told her your intentions. When that time comes, give her your full attention and then she will take you seriously when you say you will listen to her. Wives who feel able to communicate openly and freely often feel as if their husbands are taking them seriously. They are more likely to feel contentment and joy in their marriages than those who feel isolated and alone, albeit married. This is an important aspect to a couple's relationship and can greatly increase intimacy and closeness in marriage.

Laugh and mourn together

Our spouse is our nearest relative and as such we should feel able to turn to them in times of joy, as well as crisis. When we receive good news we instinctively want to share our happiness with our spouse. Just seeing us happy is often enough to make the other spouse feel happy too. So learn to laugh and enjoy life together. On the other hand, we are often faced with great challenges that will require our spouse's support. One of those times is when one of us loses a loved one in death. Perhaps it was someone close to us such as a parent or sibling, and their loss has wounded us deeply. The vows we took on our wedding day did not talk about just the good that we would experience as husband and wife. They also included counsel to care for each other's welfare in times of sorrow. When our spouse is mourning the loss of a relative we can show our unfailing support by being there to help with practical arrangements, as well helping to fulfil the emotional and physical needs of our spouse. Be their pillar to lean on and they will look back on their time of grief as a time they were able to draw strength and comfort from you. It will also re-define marriage and help with other future obstacles that come their way. I hear many people say that they could not have coped with their grief if it had not been for their spouse's support.

To conclude, it is possible to maintain a healthy marriage if both spouses love and support one another. Marriage is all about give and take, but mostly about giving. Rather than causing us any difficulty, giving to our spouse can cause us great happiness and contentment too. It is definitely worthwhile investing ongoing time into a marriage in order to help strengthen it. The result will be the kind of marriage you always dreamed of.