How a Man Can Get Along with a Difficult Mother-In-Law
Ways to Lessen Family Stress
Despite what some people say, when a person chooses to marry, they wed their spouse's family. If the two families cannot get along, the marriage will not be happy, and it might not even last. This is especially true if a man cannot get along with his mother-in-law. Even if she is difficult, it is necessary to make it work. Do not expect your wife to completely take either side when stuck in the middle. This is unfair on many levels. Read on to find out how a man can get along with a difficult mother-in-law, and lessen family stress on holidays, birthdays and all of the time.
Do Not Always Assume the Negative
When people become involved in a dispute, they almost always assume that the other person is completely wrong, especially if they are naturally difficult. This is especially true when that other person is the stereotypical mother-in-law. People do not always think about trying to get along or the ramifications of their hostility. However, it is not normal to always assume the negative, no matter the topic of conversation. This is unreasonable, especially when the other person is your mother-in-law and a part of the family.
Almost every comment can be taken two ways; a negative way or a positive way. Do not always assume the negative when conversing with your mother-in-law. A mother-in-law can be difficult from time to time, but she is not necessarily out to destroy the marriage. Consider the chance that her actions and verbalizations might stem from something that never crossed your mind. She might not even realize how she sounds.
Take the high road when having discussions, and assume the positive before tearing her down. Taking a defensive stance is never good when trying to deal with a mother-in-law in a tactful, reasonable way. She will automatically mirror your behavior, and she will ultimately have a real reason to be difficult. If this continues, you will never get along.
Tell Her How you Feel in a Non-Confrontational Way
Stop complaining or stewing about a difficult mother-in-law, and do something about it instead. Make a real effort to get along. Be the bigger person and make the first move. Tell her how you feel, but do it in a non-confrontational way. Your mother-in-law might be shocked to learn your true feelings. This is the first step when trying to get along with a difficult mother-in-law, but it should not be the last.
Listen to How She Feels
Keep in mind that a difficult mother-in-law actually has feelings too, and her feelings might be justifiable - at least in her mind. She might feel it necessary to take a defensive stance, or she might think that bullying is the answer. Everyone is different. Everyone was raised differently, and we are all individuals with unique personalities. Try to understand this possibility, and really listen to how she feels.
If this difficult mother-in-law is willing to open up, what she says might be surprising, but keep it calm and courteous. If all else fails, kill her with kindness. Never give her a reason to say that you were rude or unkind. This way in all honesty you will have done nothing wrong. The proverbial ball will remain in her court. What she chooses to do with it will be her decision.
Do Not Always Assume the Negative
When people become involved in a dispute, they almost always assume that the other person is completely wrong, especially if they are naturally difficult. This is especially true when that other person is the stereotypical mother-in-law. People do not always think about trying to get along or the ramifications of their hostility. However, it is not normal to always assume the negative, no matter the topic of conversation. This is unreasonable, especially when the other person is your mother-in-law and a part of the family.
Almost every comment can be taken two ways; a negative way or a positive way. Do not always assume the negative when conversing with your mother-in-law. A mother-in-law can be difficult from time to time, but she is not necessarily out to destroy the marriage. Consider the chance that her actions and verbalizations might stem from something that never crossed your mind. She might not even realize how she sounds.
Take the high road when having discussions, and assume the positive before tearing her down. Taking a defensive stance is never good when trying to deal with a mother-in-law in a tactful, reasonable way. She will automatically mirror your behavior, and she will ultimately have a real reason to be difficult. If this continues, you will never get along.
Tell Her How you Feel in a Non-Confrontational Way
Stop complaining or stewing about a difficult mother-in-law, and do something about it instead. Make a real effort to get along. Be the bigger person and make the first move. Tell her how you feel, but do it in a non-confrontational way. Your mother-in-law might be shocked to learn your true feelings. This is the first step when trying to get along with a difficult mother-in-law, but it should not be the last.
Listen to How She Feels
Keep in mind that a difficult mother-in-law actually has feelings too, and her feelings might be justifiable - at least in her mind. She might feel it necessary to take a defensive stance, or she might think that bullying is the answer. Everyone is different. Everyone was raised differently, and we are all individuals with unique personalities. Try to understand this possibility, and really listen to how she feels.
If this difficult mother-in-law is willing to open up, what she says might be surprising, but keep it calm and courteous. If all else fails, kill her with kindness. Never give her a reason to say that you were rude or unkind. This way in all honesty you will have done nothing wrong. The proverbial ball will remain in her court. What she chooses to do with it will be her decision.
Published by Crystal Ray - Featured Contributor in Lifestyle
Crystal Ray is an award-winning freelance writer and artist from the Chicago area. Her passion is interior design, but she also loves entertaining and crafting. She is continually developing unique and creat... View profile
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4 Comments
Post a CommentI agree that "killing her with kindness" is a good approach. This works both ways, for wives and husbands who have a difficult mother-in-law. The relationship usually improves over time.
Sophie
I have had to deal with this as a woman. Great advice.
super
Good advice!