How to Market Yourself on Facebook Without Annoying Everyone

Well, let's face it: we all have something to sell (and if we don't yet, we hope to soon), and we all want all of our Facebook friends to buy whatever we're selling. The trick is to let everyone know it's for sale without annoying everyone toward that magic Remove button.

Thus, in no particular order, here are a few basic tips and pointers about marketing yourself on Facebook without annoying everyone. Herein are principles, suggestions, and observations I've gleaned from various social media pros and from my own experiences as both an occasional Facebook marketer and as a Facebook user in general. These tips and pointers arise from things said by others, things I've found that work, things I've found that annoy others, and things others do that annoy me. While this list is compiled specifically with Facebook in mind, you might consider how these factors translate to other online platforms as well.

And, as with all matters of social media etiquette, my below list comes with the typical disclaimer: none of these things is set in stone. There's no such thing as a social media expert, and what works for one person might not work for another person. Conversely, what annoys one person might seem par for the course for another person. Social media is still largely uncharted territory, so don't be afraid to experiment a little and see what works for you.

That said, without further ado...

1. First of all, enough with the Facebook gaming invitations and gifts. Really. You've got to understand that your request for a business referral is going to be tempered by your request for an Untraceable Cell Phone. Granted, everyone uses Facebook for different reasons. I really don't care if you spend eight hours a day on Mafia Wars, even though the whole world can see that you're just screwing around all day while the rest of us are working for a living. All the best to you, my friend. But you might notice at some point that I do not come here for the games. And it really makes me think twice when I see your page suggestion or your group invitation, only to visit your profile and see just a few relevant bits of information here and there, buried under idiotic Farmville, Social City, and Daily Horoscope posts. I see that nonsense everywhere, and I'm not interested. This might be evident in the fact that I never accept your applications, invitations, or gifts. This might be apparent when you notice I never post any of that stuff on my Wall or send any of it to you. So take a cue. Social media is all about reciprocity. Which leads me to my next point...

2. Social media is all about reciprocity. Answer your messages, why don't you? If someone takes the time out to comment on something you've said, the least you can do is drop a line to acknowledge their interest and thank them for stopping by. You don't always have to snap back with a witty response or a thought-provoking addendum. We don't all have something intelligent to say all the time. Just be polite. Be friendly. Appreciate the people who appreciate you. When your Wall is littered with a long string of unanswered greetings, questions, and comments, you put out "I'm rude and self-centered" vibes. Your new friends see there's no need to bother with you, and your old friends wonder why they ever bothered with you to begin with.

3. If I don't know you from Adam, give me the chance to at least view your profile once before you expect me to become your fan. I'll accept a friend request from anyone; I'm easy like that. However, if I click Confirm and instantly receive two dozen page suggestions and group invitations from you, I'm going to be annoyed. I know, I know... the Web breaks down social barriers, and social media encourages us all to drop the formalities so we can engage in casual online exchange with strangers around the world. The key word there was exchange. Say hello. Give me a chance to respond. Take a look at what's up on my Wall. Let me wander over to take a look at your Wall. If we have anything in common, the rest will follow naturally.

4. If you post consistent, repetitive updates and links that no one likes or comments on-ever-it means no one is interested, and it's time for you to try something else. If you cultivate no level of give-and-take or meaningful engagement with your audience, you are offering them nothing of value that will keep them coming back... which means you're just one more annoying self-marketer who doesn't listen to your audience or try to understand their likes, interests, or needs. And really, who wants to be that person? Position yourself as a helpful resource. Don't be just another billboard along the side of the Information Superhighway.

5. You can let people know what you're up to without simply shouting your marketing message from the rooftops. No one likes advertising, and no one likes see-through imperatives to buy, buy, buy. Connect with your audience and take interest in what they're doing, then frame your messages as interesting updates on your own progress in the grand, common struggles of life that we're all facing these days. Instead of blasting your friends' News Feeds with "order, reserve, and buy now" messages, try simply reporting on your good news, your exciting developments, and your sense of accomplishment. Don't forget to wish your friends well in their pursuits of similar goals. Listen, commiserate, and congratulate, and others will do the same for you... and they'll remember you when they come across something that might help you out.

6. Do not spam me every day through Facebook messages. Some of you really don't know when enough is enough, do you? So you wrote a new blog post. Good for you. I wrote a new blog post, too. But I don't broadcast each and every individual link to each and every individual blog post to each and every individual on my friend list each and every single day. If I'm interested in your blog, then I read your blog posts on your blog, or I subscribe to your RSS. If you write a blog post that you really fancy, or you post on a topic that impacts a lot of your friends, or you really want others' input on something you wrote, an occasional post on your own Wall is really all you need to get the point across. Save Facebook announcements and mass messages for things that actually impact your friends or fans. Save these channels for important, newsworthy things that you really want people to notice. If you abuse these channels, none of us are going to pay attention to anything you send us via these means anymore-ever. You'll descend to the ranks of our online friends who hawk illicit pharmaceuticals: when we see your name in our Facebook inboxes, we will naturally gravitate toward Mark As Read without batting an eye. Or we will unfriend you. Because you're annoying.

7. If I ignore your page suggestion, I'll probably continue to ignore it, no matter how many times you send it to me. Now, I don't expect anyone to keep a checklist of sent Facebook invitations or anything like that. I realize we're all adding new friends all the time, and I realize all our new friends might not notice that we have really cool pages to share unless we tell them. But practice some moderation, will you? Pick a day, no more frequently than once a month, and on that day-and only on that day-go ahead and troll through your friends list to send page suggestions to all the people who haven't liked you yet. I just did it about an hour ago, after not having done it for probably two or three months now. Just don't overdo it. I'll happily forgive an occasional repeat invitation to something that is not relevant to me. I understand that you might not remember if you sent it to me already. If, however, you set out to become a serial inviter-if you send me the same page suggestion each and every single day-I'm going to ignore it each and every single day... until the day you finally just rocket straight into the red zone on my annoyance meter. Then I'm just going to unfriend you because you annoy me more than you interest me.

8. If I like your page, it wouldn't kill you to like mine, too. Again, we're all here because we've got something to sell or show or share. By supporting one another's efforts, even if we are just one more uptick on the fan count, we build a mutual network of people with related interests who are aware of what the other people in our network are up to. That means we can all see the same information and follow the same happenings and maintain our own little community of awareness centered on potential, mutual exchange and benefit. This is not mandatory, of course, but it's appreciated. Especially when you're one of those people who send me the same suggestions for the same pages and groups each and every single day.

9. Perhaps the least understood point of all: yes, we can still be friends, even if we don't like each other's pages, and even if we don't buy each other's stuff. Believe it or not, it's really okay if we don't have anything of interest to offer one another right now. We might one day, and we might not. In the meantime, let's just be friends, huh? There are plenty of other ways you and I can learn from and share with one other without any obligatory public endorsements or online transactions between us.

10. And finally, the Golden Rule: if you're not sure you should do it... don't. If you feel like something you're about to post on Facebook might be construed as self-serving self-marketing-if you think something you're about to do or say might annoy everyone-it will. When in doubt, just don't do it.

Now, this is not a comprehensive list, by any means. I'm well aware there are scores of other things self-marketers do on Facebook that annoy the rest of us. So add your tips and pointers to the comments section below, and let's revisit this topic again in the future, shall we?