How to Monitor Your Children's Internet Usage

Parents these days try to pay attention to their children's internet usage but it doesn't seem to be working out too well. Children get kidnapped every day, they get bullied on the web by their friends, they meet up with strange people who are too old for them to be seeing. Young teens especially have their pictures posted on websites when they probably shouldn't be and abuse from anonymous people takes place every day.

This abuse leads vulnerable teens and pre-teens into a world of a constant search for validation. They become addicted to the net not only to find friends and be appreciated but in a lot of cases to bully and abuse other teens so that they might feel better about themselves and join in on the hate to be seen as a stringer person.

So what can a parent do that they aren't already doing? It's not enough to block websites or ban your children from doing certain things on the net. Not every parent is a responsible adult. Not every parent has a responsible child. Your child could get on the internet at school. They could go to the library. They can get on the net at their friend's house. None of this is under your supervision so the real thing to do is come up with a plan to teach your child what to do in certain situations.

All children know what to do when someone asks them to get in their car that they don't know. They have all been told not to take anything from strangers or not to talk to them. Yet, children are still kidnapped every day. Some because these predators are skilled at finding kids alone and taking advantage, others because some children don't think they could ever be in danger. The trick is to really tell your children the reasons for your monitoring and put them on a schedule.

Here are some guidelines to follow when monitoring your children's internet usage.

1) The first thing to do is sit down with your children and discuss what's on the internet. Tell them about the dangers of predators, about the language that can and cannot be used, about the pictures that should not be viewed by them.

2) Get involved with your children's friends' parents. If your child is going over to his friend's house, get the child's name and call the parents. Ask if the parents monitor their child's internet usage. If they don't seem like he monitoring type, instruct your child not to use the use internet at this person's house. If they insist, take action. Ground them if you have to.

3) Put your child on a schedule and make sure they keep to it. If you don't know where your child is at certain times, ask them. Give them a certain amount of time on the internet in your house and ask them where else they use the internet. Most of the time, they will lie to you but keep an open mind. You probably know where they could use the internet so make sure those places are secure.

4) Be a friend to your child. Go on the internet together even if you don't like to. You don't have to be interested in what they do but approach it as you want to see what it's all about. They won't like it at first. In fact, they'll hate it. Most of what they do they will not show you at first, but you have to keep going on it with them, search some things with them. Gradually they will show you what they like to look at. Don't judge them, ask them why they like the sites. If there is something that seems wrong to you, tell them so but act as a friend. If they need more discipline, block the sites.

5) Set the computer up in your kitchen or living room. It sounds strange but you should be in view of what your child does on the internet. This is recreational for them so agree that you won't bother them while they are on the internet. If they have 2 hours, let them have 2 hours of peace. But if you see something that is not to your liking, say something upfront and have a discussion about it.

6) When you need to find something, ask your child about looking it up for you. Let them know that their knowledge of the internet is important to you. When you need facts, they can find them for you.

7) Be straight with them chat rooms. If you don't want them in there, don't let them be.

8) When you sit down and talk with them about the internet, give them a list of rules about using the internet. These should be about strange things they need to immediately come to you and talk about if it happens. The list should include -

1. People asking to meet with you from a chatroom.

2. People saying sexual things to you on a message board, chatroom, in e-mail.

3. Something in e-mail that might be a scam saying for you to send money.

4. Spam (e-mails from anonymous people) that is sexual or has to due with money.

5. Abusive e-mails or messages from chatrooms or friend sites.

6. Personal threats.

7. People asking for your phone number.

It may sound strange to ask your child to alert you to all this but the rebellion of the child has to do with the fact that children don't think most parents understand the internet. If you let them know that you understand people can be abusive to them and that they can talk to you about it without being judged, they will be more likely to come to you when these things happen.

With younger children, these rules should be enforced with no exception. Let them know that if they do not inform you about these things when they happen, that their internet usage might be taken away from them. But also let them know that you just don't want them to be hurt. You are looking out for them.