How to Get Your Mother in Law to Stop Controlling Your Relationship
The main point that both parties (including your in-laws) need to understand is that ounce you are married or once you live home they can no longer have a say in your personal relationships. Even if you ask them for their opinion which in most cases you should not, they should have enough sense not to give it. Of course if in certain situations it may be necessary for them to speak up, if they know that something could end up hurting you in the long run. But they should refrain from giving you their opinion on an almost daily basis. So how often should a mother or a father of a married adult call or visit. After talking to several married adults in my area it seems that once every two weeks is sufficient unless you have children and their grandparents would like to see or talk to them on a weekly basis. Even then they would be spending time with their grandchildren not butting into your personal business.
In some cases it could be that your mother in law has good intentions and just wants to help you out. She should keep in mind however that it is best for her to let you work that out with your spouse. This way she will not have to worry about upsetting anyone or stepping on anyone's toes so to speak. If you are worried about hurting your mother in laws feelings then you could always sit down and talk to her about the situation. If you basically give her no other options than she will have to follow your house rules. Of course she still should be able to come and pick up her grandchildren as long as she calls to make arrangements first. One thing to remember is that if you keep your personal business to yourself then you will not have to worry about your mother in law butting in.
Published by Mrs. Renee
Renee is a stay at home mom who homeschools, and a wife, who has been writing for a number of years on a variety of parenting, and education related topics. These topics include homeschooling, travel, and p... View profile
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17 Comments
Post a CommentI am going through the same thing right now. My boyfriend and I just got engaged and have been dating for almost three years. She always makes comments to me but I stay quiet, if I try to mention anything to him, he makes excuses for her. We have been on vacation 4 times in the past two years and she has come on 3 of those vacations for the whole week!!! We made plans to go away and told her after and she was so angry! We told her we wanted a very small family wedding and she started yelling and screaming that she wants to invite a lot of people and that we have to have a traditional wedding. She is not paying for anything. She is fighting with us about everything and blaming me for all our decisions. It is so frustrating!! I can definitely sympathize with everyone here.
My mother-in-law is a controll freak. It was a big releif for me to read these articles so i realize that i am not the only one who is married to a "Mummys Boy". The MIL has even slept on the same bed with the son when he was 16. She influnce in all aspects to our lives. She has become a real pain in the ass.
I apologize for the format in which it posted. It appeared correct from my end.
Mydaughterhasbeendatingayoungmanforthepast8months.Theyareboth19yearsoldandverymuchinlove.Hehasproventobeaverygentle-manineverysense.Theyrespecteachotherandenjoyeachotherscompanyemmensely.IsupporttheirrelationshipbecauseIseeitasahealthyrelationshipthatsflourishingatanormalpace.Unfortunately,hismotherdoesnotagree.Shehasforbiddenhersonfromgoingonweekendoutingswithmyfamily,aswedoconsiderhimfamilyatthispoint.Thiscouplecannotgooutfortheeveningwithouthismomcallingortextinghimvery,veryoften.Hiscurfewisat12midnightnomatterwhattheoccassion.Heisafull-timecollegestudentwithapartimejob,61,191/2yearsold.Imafraidformydaughterasshehasalreadyexperiencedthemotherswrath.Mydaughterisnottakinghercrapandgivesherboyfriendhellsometimesregardinghismom.IwanttomindmybusinessbutIcannotstandbywithoutgivingtheseyoungpeoplesomeadvice.Datingshouldnotbesocomplicated.Adviceplease.
My sister-in-law is extremely controling of my mother in law. She treats her like she doesn't have a brain and calls her mama or mom.
She would allow her to do anything. She owns the house so my mother-in-law is a guest. The sister has been spreading lies about me through the family. My husband, the peacemaker refuses to stand up for me. He doesn't want ot take sides or upset them even though there is no problem upsetting me.
Wow and I thought I was the only person going through this kind of hell! My wife and I are on a thin ice relationship due to a controlling mother in law. We have been together for almost 8 years and it seems nothing is getting better when it comes to this. My wife will call her mother in some cases on how to take care of a child problem instead of us taking care of it... I would have to say it depends on just how much a person loves someone if it's worth the trouble or not. I myself was raised as a mommys boy, but I placed up my brick wall to not allow my mother to invade on my relationship. It's not all just the mother in law, but the son and daughter that allow it. Just one time my wife was not speaking with her mother for one week and it was the best we ever got along. If things don't start getting better between us then we will not last another year. Good luck to everyone in your relationships and god bless you.
After reading all thz articles i feel like killing my mother in law..she is more than wat you all said..she do everything to separate me from my boyfriend.we r togother for 6years and now that we want to get married my mother-in law is refusing.she dont even want us to have any contact..i have known her completely n know zat she want us to get separated but my boyfriend see everything normal and he likes his mother more than me..he can also leave me for her sake!!! stupid people!!!
I thought no one had it worse than I did until I read your story. It sounds as though this is a situation where both will lose. Your husband is, what you call a Momma's boy and it's probably tied back to his childhood. His mother didn't enable him to grow into an independant man. I am sorry that you feel the brunt of this. He thinks things are normal, to him they are in a very real sense because it's status quo. If you want things to change it has to be with a) you learning to cope with this situation, b) your husband going to individual and marital therapy with a psychologist who can advise him properly, and c) realizing things may never change and then determine if you can develop coping skills to work around this or if not, leaving. You get one life and it should be a content one -- my opinion. God bless.
Hello I just left a messgae on top with the name sara and it was too long to all fit in.... If I would of known than what I no now I would have never had a relationship with him, I need some advice on what I should do feel free to email me with some at sarak65@hotmail.com
Thanks
Hello I enjoyed reading what everyone had to say about MAMMA'S BOYS... I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now and he's a BIG MAMMA'S BOY I have never met a MAMMA'S BOY untill I met him I never knew he was a MAMMA'S BOY untill I got pregnet with our daughter whom is now 2 years old almost 3. Everything that happens in our relation ship he tells his mom if we have an arguement he always says I am telling my mom... He is 39 years old and he acts like he's 5 we can't do nothing or go anywhere without him consulting his mom first we want to go on a vacation and we can cause his mom says NO and he listens to her we never sit down and talk about things together as a family he always goes through his MOMMY. Me and his mom dont get a long she hates me because she's mad we even started a relationship she thinks NO girl is good enough for her son and I hate it. And I need some advice on what I should do I am unhappy with him but I feel obligated to stay cause we have kids together but if I