How to Get Your Neighbor's Dog to Shut Up - 5 Things NOT to Do!

The other day I saw an assignment where they were asking for people to write a story about how to get a neighbor's dog to shut up. Well, I've lived in about 30 different places in my life, and one of the things that can be said of just about any rural neighborhood is that you will inevitably run into annoying, barking dogs, and neighbors that own them. These people are seemingly either deaf, have really good insulation, or they are just narcissistic.

To tell you the truth, we had a dog that had separation anxiety and he would howl so hard I thought his jowls would drop, anytime we left him alone.

One time we were threatened with eviction in an apartment complex, if we didn't make him stop barking. Honestly, we didn't know how to make him stop barking! I was an advocate of ripping his vocal chords out with my bare hands but my husband took offense to that; his dog you know, so we just took him everywhere we went. When we were home with him, we yelled at him all the time to SHUT UP but he didn't listen very well. Maybe he was deaf.

Not an easy problem, but it can be downright laughable

Unfortunately, I have been on both sides of this equation and I hate the whole problem. There is no easy solution as far as I can tell, except maybe to get ear plugs or add some background white-noise that is loud enough to overcome the constant barking.

Fortunately, I have a creative side. Unfortunately, what I think is funny might not be funny to you so be prepared to walk away and stop reading if you don't like my sick thoughts. I won't be offended, and neither should you.

Now, let me make it clear as humans, we have the ability to think rationally and in my head, I know these thoughts are very wrong which is why I have no intention of ever acting upon any of them. But I can dream, can't I?

What NOT to do to get the neighbor's dog to shut up - #1

Well the first one is probably obvious to you. It was to me. Just shoot the darn things. They are clearly already miserable with all their yipping, barking and whining. Just put the dog out of its misery and then we can all get some sleep or at least watch the darn television in peace.

Ok if you skipped the first few paragraphs and take me seriously at this point we've got a problem. This is a what NOT to do list. Please do not attempt these.

Now if you want to know why I wouldn't really do this? First because it is against the law, and then second, because I don't have a firearm. And even if I did, my aim sucks and the dog probably would just get a holy tail or lose a paw or something, and then really start barking. That would just piss me off more.

I don't know why but people get all emotional with their pets. The neighbors' might hate me for shooting their dog, and they might shoot my cat in retaliation. It could be like a regular civil war. Raining cats and dogs parts; and it would have all started because of a stupid dog that doesn't know when to keep his yap shut.

And finally, what would I do with the dead dog? While it is perfectly acceptable for my cat to bring me presents like mice and dead birds, it is not acceptable for her mommy to bring home any kind of dog, dead or alive.

What NOT to do to get the neighbor's dog to Shut-Up- #2

I've thought about getting my neighbor's dogs to quiet down by throwing them some food laced with some kind of poison. Yeah, they would probably bark like the dickens until I threw them the special steak sauce but what's another five minutes of yipping while they eat their last meal? In fact in my dream, I can almost hear the silence.

Maybe just a little hot sauce - I wonder if that would work?

What NOT to do to get the neighbor's dog to Shut-Up- #3

Every time I go to the store and I get those plastic bags with my groceries, I get more ammunition. I'm wondering if by attaching a plastic bag to the dog's head he might hear himself barking. I wouldn't really want the dog to suffocate but by breathing in his own bark as he yaps, it might make his ears ring loud enough to scare him silent. At the least, oxygen deprivation for a few minutes would give me just enough time to fall asleep.

What NOT to do to get the neighbor's dog to shut Up- #4

One thing I've thought of that might make the damn dogs stop barking is to have my husband go over and pee on our side of the property, next to the neighbor's fence. I'm hoping if my husband marks his territory the dog will know his boundaries and keep his bark down to a more reasonable level at least when he's near my window near our property.

What not to do to get the Neighbor's Dog to shut up - #5

This last one is the one I've been contemplating the most. It all started a few years back, when that song came out - "Who let the Dog's out?"

I thought it was a novel idea; I could just tip-toe over there, and let the dogs out of the gate! With their barking on some other street, maybe I can finally get some rest!

According to Wikipedia, "Who Let the Dogs Out?" is a song that was written and originally recorded by Anslem Douglas. The Baha Men covered the song and placed it in the movie Rugrats in Paris: The Movie. It was released as a single in 2000, when it became the band's first hit in the US and the UK. It reached #40 on the Billboard Hot 100 in the United States and #2 on the UK Singles Chart. It was the 4th biggest-selling single of 2000 in the UK. It was also a big hit in Australia, where it reached #1. The track went to win the Grammy for Best Dance Recording on the 2001 Grammy Awards. (Wikipedia)

Yes, I guess that would be the least offensive thing to get the neighbors dogs to stop barking. Just let the dogs out.

I fall back to sleep, dreaming about me singing "Who let the dogs out, Me, Me"! See the FM music video here.

Source:
Wikipedia, "Who Let the Dogs Out?"
My crazy imagination