How Not to Coach, by Josh McDaniels

By dint of sheer effort, you are now the stoopidest coach in the AFC West, and that's saying quite a bit when the roster includes Norv Turner, Todd Haley, and Tom Cable.

You have a home game against a team that is already on the clock in next year's draft. The Chefs had their golf clubs with them when they came to Invesco Field, because they weren't going back to Kansas City after this game. All you had to do was get your team ready to hit someone in the mouth for 60 minutes and KC would gladly have let you walk all over them and into the playoffs, as long as it got them inside and warm as quickly as possible.

Oops.

Paraphrasing Apollo Creed's trainer, they didn't know this was a damn show; they thought it was a damn fight.

How the Cleveland do you let Kansas City score 44 (!!) against your team in your home finale?

It's one thing to get punched in the stomach by a bully like Indianapolis. It's another to get pimp-slapped by a team that let the Browns (!!) hang 41 on them two weeks ago.

It's yet another thing to get pwned at home by a team that has NO ONE going to the Pro Bowl.

By the way, if you hadn't heard of Jamaal Charles before the game (the other teams in the NFL have this thing called a "scouting report"...look into it), I'm certain that you've heard of him now. Send me an e-mail and I'll recommend a good therapist for Elvis Dumervil, because the last I saw of him, he was in the fetal position under the Gatorade table, shaking and muttering "Mama, there go that man again!"

Jamaal Charles ran through Denver's alleged defense so quickly and often that I suspected he might have been an intestinal virus. Don't you have game film of holding this same guy to 56 yards just a month ago?

I haven't even gotten to Kyle Orton, but suffice it to say that your franchise quarterback is still playing on Saturdays when the current edition tosses more touchdown passes to the other guys' linebacker than he does to his own team. Derrick Johnson ain't exactly Ray Lewis, but he is the only guy on KC's defense to worry about.

Again, it's called a "scouting report." Kansas City has exactly three guys with a pulse on their roster, and you let two of them beat you by themselves.

However, let's not miss the silver lining to this steaming, stinking pile of horse crap, because you sure showed Brandon Marshall who wears the big boy pants on this team, didn't you? Maybe it's because you're barely old enough to drive, but this game had...wait for it...a playoff berth at stake. If you want to stand on principle, do it in the off-season, do it in mini-camp, but NOT when you need all hands on deck to get into the post-season tournament. Your team needed to be frothing at the mouth to stomp out all things Arrowhead, and instead they're worried about who ate the strawberries.

One final note: coaches get to be 'characters' when they win lots of football games, and the occasional Super Bowl or two. You want to yell and clown out like John Madden and Mike Ditka? Win some football games that you're supposed to win.

Until then, keep yer pie hole shut and start figuring out how a 6-0 start gave way to a 2-8 finish that included two 4-game losing streaks and choking away a gimme playoff spot...

...if you still have a job after the Super Bowl, that is.