How Not to Deal with Cable Companies

I worked for two different cable companies for a combined amount of three and a half years. I worked customer service and took repair calls. The people who called to have their cable installed were almost always nice. The people who called to inquire about an outage were less nice but not too bad. The people who called to insult you and threaten your job...well, they were the fun ones. You see calling any customer service/repair hotline you can get a lot more done by being polite and smart. Here are a few tips to help you out.

Life Stories
You'd be amazed at how many people call the cable company up and tell them a long story of why they were late paying their bills. I'm going to be honest here; the rep taking your call doesn't care. She has a few hundred calls to answer after yours. All the rep wants to know is that you are going to pay your bill. Sometimes you can pay it over the phone, other times you have to bring the payment down to the office. But not one time does the rep care that your cat needed surgery and that's why you can't pay your bill. If you keep your stories short the wait time for getting calls answered will be much shorter.

The Tech has Gone Missing
You can call your cable company's customer service hotline to complain that the tech hasn't shown up to install or repair your cable. The rep understands why you are angry. She'll reassure you while you swear at her and threaten her job. The rep will even call dispatch to try and locate the technician. What she won't tell you is that the technician is probably lying under a tree somewhere eating lunch or smoking a fattie. The truth of the matter is that the repair techs waist a lot of time doing absolutely nothing. Sure there are a few good ones out there that work hard but they are few and far between.

Check the Basics
Before you call the cable company to complain about why your cable isn't working there are a few basic things that need to be checked out. First of all make sure you television is plugged in. At least once a day a rep will take a 15 minute phone call with a customer who can't figure out that their television isn't plugged in. After you sheepishly apologize for wasting the reps time she will notate in your file exactly how stupid you are.

If you have no power your cable will not work. It is amazing how many people will call and report a cable outage when they have no power. When the rep tries to explains to the customer that it's not a cable problem but a power outage, the cable customer almost always come back with "then why does the phone work". It's only takes about three seconds for them to see how dim they sound. They usually hang up and the rep is left wondering why these people are allowed to vote.

When you call the cable company to cancel service the rep will oblige and stop billing you at that point. If you have equipment that needs to be picked up they will schedule one on the dreaded three to four hour pick up windows. It is your responsibility to be at home when the tech shows up to pick up the equipment. If you can't be there you must bring the equipment back to the office. It does no good to threaten to throw away the equipment or leave it at the cable office front door. You will be billed the $200 plus dollars for the equipment (remotes alone are about $30.) And you will be sent to collections when you decide not to pay.

Lying Reps
Of course the cable customer service reps are not always the most honest people in the world. No, they won't steal your credit card information but they will lie to you. If you want to speak to the supervisor they will tell you none are available. On the offhand chance that the rep does let you talk to a supervisor the person you are really talking to is the rep sitting next to the one you were originally talking to.

Credits can always be given. A rep may tell you that they are not allowed to credit your account for any outages or cable problems. If they tell you this they are lying. A rep can always credit your account. You cable breaks down to about a buck and some change a day. The cable company does not sweat the little stuff like this.

If the rep promises to call you back they are lying. They will never call you back. They might take down your number with the pretense of calling you back but they never ever will.

Calling the cable company can be time consuming and frustrating on everyone's part. But if you keep in mind the information I have told you then your next call might go a little bit smoother or be a bit more entertaining anyway.