How Not to Drive Him Away (and Even Keep Him Around!)

It's a conundrum most of us gals have faced at one point in our lives. How do we get the super cute, super great guy we just met and who we really, REALLY like to like us back? I mean after all, we're super cute and super great too. While you shouldn't waste your time chasing a guy who's not interested, when you do find someone you spark with, play it cool. Though you may be eager to show him how fabulous you are by calling him all the time or spending every waking moment with him, confidence in yourself and ultimately in him, is a much more effective strategy.

After many years of being the ultimate single girl and more dating trial and error than I care to remember, I now officially co-habitate with my guy. Here are five simple things that took me a lifetime to learn:

1. Don't call him
Seriously. This is absolutely the No. 1 place where most of us go wrong. For years (and I do mean years), I was guilty of making the "just checking in" calls to guys I'd had a couple of dates with (or had one date with and WANTED more dates with!) Finally, I declared no more "checking in" calls (in fact, I boldly told my boyfriend early on that if he wanted to talk to me, he'd have to call me. And he did. Everyday.) Call it being a modern woman and rebelling against the traditions our parents and grandparents swore by. It's a new day, we reason. Who says we can't call a guy - even if it has been three weeks since our last date and he hasn't called. I'll just call him to "check in," you say. Remember that famous episode of Sex and the City where Berger told Miranda, "he's just not that into you," after her date didn't call? Sorry ladies, it's true. If the guy isn't calling you, he's not feeling you. If more than a few days have passed since he said he'd call and you haven't heard from him, resist the urge to pick up the phone to "check in." Yes, it's true that guys get busy, but believe me, if the guy likes you he will absolutely find the time to call you. And if he doesn't, that's your cue to move on and find the guy who WILL call you!

2. Learn to cook
Once you've got him calling you on a regular basis, this is another skill you should sincerely consider acquiring. I'm not advocating you go out and buy all of Julia Child's cookbooks, unless you are so inclined, but it doesn't hurt to have a few tricks up your sleeve in the kitchen. Take a cooking class or browse the cookbook section of your local bookstore. I am personally a fan of Ina Garten, the Barefoot Contessa. Her Barefoot in Paris cookbook is a staple in my kitchen and I watch her Food Network show religiously for tips and ideas. Master a few entrees and side dishes, a couple of soup and salad recipes and show off your culinary prowess for your guy once in a while. Light some candles (unscented, so as not to compete with the aroma of your cooking), throw on some jazz and you have all the makings of a low-key romantic evening. Left to his own devices, my boyfriend would subsist on pasta, potato salad and PB&J. I make him chicken (his favorite) a few different ways with a handful of side dishes I've managed to perfect and he's quite appreciative - so much so he does the dishes. Everytime. Food really is the way to a man's heart. And to not having dishpan hands.

3. Shave your legs
This falls under the category of "keeping up appearances." Of course there will be times when your guy will see you at your worst. That's all part of the package. However, he doesn't have to see you at your worst ALL the time. This can be especially tricky if, by now, you're living together and have fallen into the comfortable patterns of glasses and sweats after a long day at work. Granted you're not going to put in quite the Herculean effort you did when you were merely dating. However, on a semi-regular basis, you should strive to still be the hot girl he called all the time whose cooking he couldn't get enough of. Whether it's manis and pedis or facials, regularly scheduled maintenance will keep you both humming along nicely. I shave my legs every day - even in the winter - because my guy likes it. A lot. At times, it can be a bit of a chore and admittedly some days, I phone it in. Still, it makes him happy and if it means he'll take out the garbage and do the laundry, it's a small price to pay.

4. Don't forget about you
I have one girlfriend who, the minute she gets a boyfriend, pulls a Houdini and completely disappears into his world. Don't let this happen to you! Keeping connections with your girlfriends is a vital part of keeping your connection with your guy. Spending time with the girls gives you a chance to let your hair down and either brag about how he massaged your feet the other night or complain about how he leaves the toilet seat up with someone who can commiserate. Either way, don't forget your friends or your interests in favor of spending all your time at home cooking dinner. Let him have his poker nights or bowling nights or whatever it is guys like to do and corral your gal pals for a fun night out on a regular basis. If neither of you can handle the occasional nights away from each other, then you've got bigger problems. And chew on this - how great is it to have a night on the town without the pressure of trying meet someone? Much more fun when you know you've got a great guy waiting at home for you.

5. Keep it Sexy
After he's called you and you've made a romantic dinner, shaved your legs and had your girl time, it's time to get down to business. Sex is some kind of glue in a good relationship, so make time for it. Often.