How Not to Get Fired from a New Job

A lot of workplace tutorials deal with succeeding and excelling, but before you can either excel or succeed, you need to make it through the 90 day probationary period first. Here are some observations I have made over my lifetime that may help you become gainfully employed, or at least employed, period. Read on!

Observe power structures: This is probably the most important, and should occupy a great deal of your attention the first week on the job. How is your workplace structured? In most work environments there may be a general manager, one or more assistant managers, and a gaggle of "team leaders", who will have immediate power over you. Learn who they are, and what their names are. Ask the general manager who your bosses are, and what the chain of command is. Nothing can guillotine a new employment foray than stepping on the wrong toes. If you ignore or attempt to bypass chain of command, they'll team up on you and give you bad reviews, so be aware of who's who and show respect. If things work out, you'll be promoted in time, and become one of them, and their perspective will become yours, rest assured.

Learn the party line: What's the "party line"? Every workplace in America has their unique way of doing things. Ask for company handbooks and read them, don't just toss them on the dashboard of your car when you leave for the day. All businesses are in business to make money. While that may sound overly obvious, many new hires seem to miss that. Determine how you can become profitable to the company you work for and generate income for them, thus paying your way and justifying your paycheck. If you work as a receptionist for a doctor's office, your job is to maintain existing clientele, and build new ones as well. If you sell home insulation or electronics, learn what financial tools the company offers to help you sell as much as you can, in a responsible as a fashion as you can. Ask the old heads. You usually find one or two veteran employees who are willing to fill you in, and share their perspective on things. If you followed step one, and didn't step on any toes yet, they are more likely to help, as they won't see you as trouble in the making and avoid you.

Always keep busy: You might see some of the managers hanging around the water cooler, eating a pizza in the lunchroom together, or some other casual activity while you are working, but don't try to jump in at this early stage. Slackness comes with tenure, and once you have established yourself as a keeper, you'll be rubbing elbows with the brass too, but at this stage keep busy and keep your distance. If you answer phones in a call center, when the phone isn't ringing, read the employee handbook, or learn about the product you sell or support. If you work in an office, straighten files, dust, or at least do something to show you are conscious about justifying your pay. Give it several months, at very least.

Don't talk too much: Nothing curdles the blood of employers like newbie socialite hires that seek to establish first-day-on-the-job "friendships" with other employees or insinuate themselves into the established hierarchy by being overly personable. Keep your distance at first. If you must talk, talk business. Ask questions about your job, and how you can do it properly. Keep idle, irrelevant chit-chat to a minimum. After all, friendships in any social setting develop very slowly, as strangeness fades, and trust ensues in healthy order. Try not to go to bars or extracurricular events with other employees until you feel doing so will not threaten your position. That may even mean never, depending on your career. If you work in law enforcement, or for the Federal Government, social detachment may even be a prerequisite for continued employment, not an option.

Don't do drugs: Well, of course, but it's been my recent observation that everyone drug tests nowadays, even smallish family owned companies. If you feel that drug testing is an intrusion on your civil liberties, than so be it, but good luck getting in with any quality organization. It's best not to ask an employer during an interview if they drug test, for obvious reasons. but If you must use, look online, as there are many resources on which companies drug test available for the illegal drug user. But please just don't. Don't limit yourself just to get high. It really is a terrible disgrace and waste of your own precious time and talent. It's really your loss, not theirs.

Follow these tips, and you'll make it through those first harrowing 90 days, rest assured, as long as there are no sinister forces at work. On rare occasion, established employees may attempt to protect their jobs, and blacklist you no matter how well you do, so it is important to communicate with management and tell them how you feel and how things are going, but that is the exception, not the rule. After all, they hired you in the first place to grow their business, not make things cozy for their existing staff.

Keep your chin up, and reach for the stars. Oh, and good luck!