How Not to Mess Up Your Rebound Date

So you've spent the last of your allotted sick days wasting away on the couch, bawling your eyes out or drinking heavily or both because you got dumped or you dumped someone or the two of you realized things just weren't working. And either you have decided to suck things up and hit the scene again, or perhaps your friends have staged a mini-intervention (no, not the alcoholic kind), and dragged you to the nearest singles bar to meet someone because they are tired of fielding the maudlin 3 a.m. phone calls. Somehow, you are back out there after a long relationship or bad breakup, and despite the fact that you keep second-guessing yourself, you have lined up a date. Here's how not to mess it up.

Do away with preconceived notions about dating, about the opposite (or same) sex, about your preferences. Of course, your ex was kind, and honest, and shared your interests, and so on and so forth. But dating someone new with exactly the same qualities is going to limit your options, for starters. And it may blind you to what you really need. Sure, your ex was a certain type, but you are no longer together. Maybe, just maybe, that type is not what you need.

Do not go into detail about your ex. Too many mentions and your date will think you are comparing them to your ex, and worse yet, have not gotten over your ex. It is all right to say that you have gotten out of a long relationship, but go no further. Even adding the fact that you are still a bit hung up about the break up can lead your date to believe that you are still pining, and likely to drop them in a hot second, if your ex calls you one night asking to get back together. Most people have horror stories about rebound dating; bringing it up more than necessary may cause your date to associate you with the last nutcase they dated after a breakup.

Avoid taking your date to the same restaurants or hangouts you attended with your ex. It will be extremely difficult not to compare your date to your ex if you take them to a place that you strongly associate with your ex. Worse, yet, friends or waiters at the old restaurant could reference your ex, leading to an awkward situation. A new restaurant, a place you have not tried, allows you to make a clean break. You and your new date will experience something new together and, hopefully, create a lasting memory.

Don't rush into things. Sure, your date kind of looks like your ex, sounds like your ex, and likes some of the same things. Or maybe you have found someone who is the exact opposite. Or maybe you have actually stopped letting the old relationship control you, and you have found a uniquely compelling catch. Do not, I repeat do not, start talking about your future together on at least the first or second, and probably the third date. Your desire for an intimate relationship may lead you to say some ridiculously premature things. At best, you'll come across as needy and at worst you will come off as creepy, if you start talking about these things too early on, before a genuine mutual connection is established.