How Not to Run a Hotel, Motel, Inn or Bed and Breakfast

Someday you may inherit a hotel, but you won't want to put any money into running it.This way you can bankrupt the place before selling it for pure profit. I will list some good ways for you to begin such a project.

Make the desk clerk's computer shows dirty rooms as clean. This way the desk clerk gets to check people in to dirty rooms without knowing there's a problem. Tthe housekeepers can get paid for not doing any work and the guests who check in at midnight will have a wonderful surprise of dirty towels, trash, underwear, slept-in beds and maybe a crack pipe waiting for them.

Check people out who are staying another night and let the record show the room vacant. That way the guests already in the room, the new guests and the desk clerk get a wonderful surprise when the new guests walking in on the hopefully sleeping guests at 1 AM.

When the housekeepers do clean a room, make sure they don't put any towels in it. This way a guest can get undressed and into the shower before he figures out he is going to have to drip dry. We want to leave surprises for our guests at every turn, don't we?

Leave the cash drawer unlocked. That's right, cash drawer. By all means, don't have a register. Just leave the drawer open with the keys hanging in the keyhole and let anyone who wants to wander around behind the counter and get things out of the drawer the money is kept in whenever they want.

Someday you may inherit a hotel, but you won't want to put any money into running it.This way you can bankrupt the place before selling it for pure profit. I will list some good ways for you to begin such a project.

Be sure to leave envelopes full of cash lying around. You want the cash deposits to sit on top of the safe rather than going into it so that anyone who works there, or any guests who notice them, can take them.

Make the continental breakfast unpalatable. Leave Danish, cream cheese and frozen waffles sitting out for days instead of re-refrigerating them each day when you clean up breakfast. Don't sweep the floor in the dining room or clean the counters. Never, ever rinse out the coffee urns. Don't clean out the refrigerator that holds the lukewarm cartons of out of date milk. Make sure you score so low on the health inspection that you can only serve cold items as this makes the guests feel extra welcome.

Do not accept any discounts. You would rather have the guests leave and go somewhere else than bargain on the price. Someone who comes in at 3 AM who will be leaving at 11 AM should pay the same high price as someone who checked in at 3 PM the day before.

Never, ever wash the comforters. Make sure you keep the ones with burn holes in them forever and ever. Fold sheets in the breakfast room so they can brush up against the dirty crumb covered floor.

Welcome cash paying local guests and employees to live at the hotel. Watch them walk around in their pajamas for days while they pretend the coke machine has taken their money, again. Also welcome guests who want to pay by the hour.