How to Not Take Things Personally

If you have a perpetual chip on your shoulder, you may not even like reading this article. However, life is so much simpler if you do not take things very personally. Frequently, people do not mean to make it personal, and if they do so, then they often regret it within an hour or two later. The frustration, vengeance and regret can all take a backseat if you simply are easy-going and do not take things personally.

Is it about you? Think about it. How much of the current situation which you are angry over is really about you? Does it affect you directly? Does it even affect you indirectly? Sometimes, it is our obsessive and repetitive thoughts which build a mountain out of a mole-hill...in thirty minutes flat. If the situation really is about or directly affecting you, think about the other people. If you think only of yourself, you will not get much, if any, cooperation from others. Think about how you can make it a situation where everyone wishes to contribute for the greater good.

Is it about your circumstances? The truth is it never is. Your circumstances have nothing at all to do with your current state of mind. They are not in any way sources of your emotion or feelings or mental health. Your habitual thought processes are excellent sources for emotional reactions, but outside circumstances are not. If you are to be truly healthy, you must realize that the problem begins, continues and ends with you. There is no part of it which is, in reality, connected to someone else, something else or physical repercussions. It's all you.

Is it really healthy to be this upset? Well, no. Taking things personally means that you assume that others have plotted against or are reviling you in some fashion. While it is sometimes nice to indulge in these sadistic thoughts, the truth is, few people spend their time thinking of ways to screw you over. You are not at the top of their list, you are not that important to them, you are not the center of their universe, and you do not have that much impact on their lives. This is about you thinking of yourself so highly that you assume that everyone else thinks of you, too. They do not, and it is all in your head. Get over yourself.

What is the alternative? The alternative is being fully aware of the fact that others have lives, and they live their lives with very little time spent on you or what you are doing. This may be hard to hear if you are perpetually full of yourself, but they did mean for their actions or their words to be taken personally. If they did, you probably have already reacted out of proportion and the damage has been done. In the future, though, step outside of yourself and look at them. If they really were out to get you, isn't it sad? Do they not look and seem pathetic to you? So do not put yourself in a position to appear just as foolish. Smile, acknowledge their words, and separate yourself from the situation.

Not taking things personally can be a little like flexing emotional muscles. You may not like it, it may leave you feeling raw and sore at the beginning, but with time comes perspective. Perspective is the key to never losing your temper or being out of control of your reactions. Temperance and perspective can bring you much closer to the people around you.

Sources:

http://christinekane.com/blog/how-to-not-take-things-personally-a-practical-guide/