How to Organize Your Home

Start in the dining room. Somewhere in the vicinity of the center of the room, there should be a large flat object suspended on legs. There it is, under the piles of mail, backpacks, and Taco Bell cups. This is your dining room table. The history of this relic is uncertain; before it evolved into its current function of catch-all for the loose ends of the overworked, overscheduled, and overcommitted American family, historians believe it was once used for serving meals - possibly to several people at once. If you are able to find this elusive object, it holds the key for a major home makeover, the likes of which may just change your life. Or at the very least, your perspective on home organization.

You will notice several other objects surrounding the table. Most likely you will need to lift coats, purses and bags to find them, but they are under there somewhere: chairs. You will also notice that after you have cleared away the clutter, your chairs are conspicuously empty. They are awaiting your family. If you are unsure where these creatures are located, further home organization is required. If you have a spouse or significant other, now is the time to find him or her, introduce yourself, and discuss the plan. You will need all available hands for the next phase of this project.

Start with the closed door at the end of the hallway. You know, the door you avoid because of the nerve-piercing noise that is generously referred to as music, or the unidentifiable odors emitting from behind it? Be brave and approach the door. Behind this door is your teenage son. Lift the hair up, there he is, though he may be hard to recognize since you probably haven't seen him since, say, 6th grade. Try to lure this creature into the light. Expect that he will resist, since he is quite comfortable where he is. If all else fails, food may be used to coax him out. Any food will do, but generally food swimming in grease and salt is most effective.

The next creature you must find is a bit more difficult. She may also be found behind a closed door, through which you may hear squeals of giggling, heart-racking sobs, or some wildly fluctuating combination of the two. This is your teenage daughter. Luring her out may prove a bit easier since she tends to be a more sociable creature, but beware: the last step of this process is the most difficult of all. You must gently but firmly, remove the phone from the side of her face. She will most certainly protest as if you had removed a bodily appendage, but don't worry. This procedure has been performed countless times before, with no known cases of permanent damage.

For those who are skilled in the ancient art form of cooking, now is the time to put those skills to use. If you are unsure of yourself in this area, leave it for another time. Home organization of this magnitude can be accomplished more easily in small increments; it is perfectly acceptable to order take-out or delivery fare at this point. For now, regardless of what is being served, have a seat at the table with your family and take pride in what you have accomplished

Look at your children. Really look at them. Can you see the shadows of the babies that once captured your full attention for hours on end? Can you envision the young adults they are fast becoming? Listen to their opinions, ideas, jokes, and fears. They are complex people. Intelligent, difficult, delightful people. They are frozen in a moment between past and future. Just a moment, a snapshot, nothing more. Burn this moment into your memory, and then reevaluate the importance of tidy sock drawers or micro-organized filing cabinets. Does it look any different yet? With practice, this ancient ritual might just change the way you define home organization.