How to Be the Other Woman

With the divorce rate in America right now, many people are blending their previous families with new ones. In some cases, it is a smooth transition for everyone involved. In others, well, the pits of Hades might be a better place. Often it is the ex-wife who bears the brunt of the pain, which will then cascade over onto the new wife. Problems will arise, but you have the choice of handling it with class, or getting out the mud wrestling, cat fighting pit.

You meet the man of your dreams. He's been married before, or is going through a divorce, and has children with a woman other then you. If you want to make the transition as smooth as possible, and there is some long term potential in your relationship, then follow these very simple, yet often forgotten rules.

Rule #1 - Always, and I do mean always, treat the mother with respect. It doesn't matter what your personal feelings are, she deserves that respect. Put yourself in her shoes. How would you like to be treated by your ex-husband's new girlfriend? Don't badmouth her, especially in front of the children. That just makes you look like a fool. You can disagree without seeming snarky. You aren't in competition with her.

Rule #2 - Accept and love his children as your own. But do not cross boundaries. Talk to the mother if at all possible to get an understand on how she is raising her children. You can have rules that differ in your house, but do not go against what she wants for her children. You do not want to get involved in a "But so and so lets me do thiiiis." game. Its no win for any of you and causes problems. If you do not feel comfortable with her rules, that's fine, but always go stricter. It might hurt to be the bad guy, but its your home.

Rule #3 - Respect his ex-wife's place in his life. This goes back to respect. She is going to be his life no matter if you like it or not. They had children together, they are bonded for life, whether they like it or not. He is going to talk to her, see her, and spend some time with her. You can't fight it, so just move on.

Its a hard situation for anyone to be in. Don't make it harder on yourself or others. Treat her the way you yourself would want to be treated, and that will solve many of your initial problems. You can't control her behavior, but you can control yours. Be sensitive to the situation, and your guy will love you that much more.