How to Get Others Talking

I have often found myself in the somewhat awkward position of being in a group of people trying to start up a conversation with people I do not know well and to keep that conversation going so as to avoid long periods of silence. You have surely already found yourself in this position, or you soon will. There are ways to get any person talking and to keep them talking which creates a comfortable environment. Most importantly, that person will like you and want to either work with you or be around you in the future. The fact of the matter is that most people are not very good at this learned skill, and you can stand out by practicing it.

First, you must take a deep breath and get yourself as calm as possible. These situations can be scary and make you feel anxious. Unfortunately, this anxiety shows. You look down at the ground or around the room. You shift your weight nervously. You take yet another sip from your drink. This feeling spreads throughout the group, and pretty soon you have a group of uncomfortable people.

Second, forget about fear. You may get nervous about embarrassing yourself. You must get over this fear. If you say something dumb, use it as an opportunity to crack a joke about your own ignorance, which makes everyone feel more comfortable.

Third, ask others questions. People love talking about themselves. There is nothing better than someone approaching you with a genuine interest about your own background and experiences. If you know whom you are going to be meeting with beforehand, learn as much as you can about them. Awkwardness quickly dispels if you can intelligently ask someone to expound on his or her own life experience. For example, at a new office cocktail party, you can approach a manager in the firm and say, "I heard you worked on this project. I find that quite interesting. Can you tell me more about it?"

It sounds simple, but people will typically respond very positively to these types of questions and start talking openly about your query. Their conversation quickly leads to other topics and more questions that you can ask. Once the conversation starts going like this, keeping it going is much easier since new information is on the table.

Fourth, make any possible connection that you can. If the person you are talking with says that they used to live in Ohio, respond with any legitimate connection you have there and speak positively about it. For example, "My aunt lives in Ohio. It is beautiful there."

These skills are simple and they can be mastered. They will open up opportunities and make a good impression on potential employers, colleagues, or new friends. When you are the one making everyone else feel at ease, you will be the one that everyone likes having around.