How Our Family Coped with My Mother in Laws Cancer

I would not say I coped with my mother in laws cancer so much as I flew by the seat of my pants at the time. How can you cope with a situation you can barely comprehend let alone think about? When you do not know what the next moment will hold or whether your loved one will be there for another day. Our days are not promised to us.

What I can tell you is that we did not let moments slip passed us. I wanted there to be special times to come no matter what might happen. In all the uncertainty I tried to make for lasting memories of all our time. I went and purchased a memory album for my mother in law and together she and I went through pictures and put them on the pages in the album. I went and bought birthday and other "special" occasion cards for her to write for her son and grandchildren. So when that "special" day came I could give them the gift of her words and that she thought enough of their future to prepare this ahead of time. For my husband, I purchased a very special father's day and birthday card for her to write up and I could hold for that time.

This not only helped my mother in law but it has also helped her son with his feelings of not being able to help save her life. Her illness was so short from the time we learned of the cancer to her passing was only 21 days. When she was home and not in the hospital she and I would often sit and go through things together. One day we were going through a safe and I found a birth certificate with a girl's name that I did not recognize. The name was Cinderella and my mother in law smiled and laughed as she pronounced the name in Italian, Son Dar Rel. I must have had the most puzzled look on my face since she started to laugh and told me that was the name her parents had given her at birth but that it was later changed. I giggled and asked if she had a couple of wicked step-sisters that we did not know about too.

When my mother in law was in the hospital, which became more frequent, we would visit with her as much as we could even if we just sat quietly while she slept. I often told my husband to never let a moment slip past him to spend time with her. We had spoken many times about this and I let him know that I wanted him to be able to feel that no matter where he was or what he was doing that if he had a notion to see or speak to her that he should follow that feeling and do it. Not to let it go past him and miss an opportunity to spend that extra time with her. Together he and I talked to our sons about what was happening. Our sons were 10 and 6 at the time. We did not tell them everything but we were honest with them that we did not know what tomorrow would bring so each moment we had with their Grandmother was precious. We let them know that if they wanted to spend time with her that they should let us know so we could make that happen for them.

What I am trying to say is that we did not so much cope with my mother in laws cancer so much as we tried to make as many lasting memories with her. Our coping came in a form of lasting memories to share with one and other. Finding a way to cope with your parents' cancer is hard enough to fathom, try to find something tangible that you can do together for a memory that will last. You never get over loosing a parent but with time and memories you can find a way to cope. I have tucked away some "special" loving thoughts for my husband and my sons for when those "special" occasions happen in each of their lives.