How to Get Out of that Dreaded Date

All right class, listen up. Have you ever, once, had one of those annoying dates that in some sort of blind stupidity you agreed to a second date and really, REALLY end up regretting saying, "yes"? Well rest assured, all your worries for weaseling out and possibly destroying this other person's life are all resolved. How, you may ask and I hope you do. It's really simple. What you need is a definite excuse as to why you're unable to show up. You can throw away the whole 'washing my hair' scheme - guys never fall for that anyway. However, there are better ways to get out of these 'torture sessions' and move on from an uncomfortable spot in the dating scene. These 'excuses' can be for lack of interest or even should you accidentally book another date the same night. So pay attention and you may just have freed yourself from the date from hades.

Aunt Marie died

Forget those old fashioned, "Aunt Maybelle" names. They're see-thru. Seriously. You want him to believe that someone's died, then you need to make it closer to home than some great-aunt twice removed and re-added three times. That should provide a decent level of comfort and add just the hint of confusion so it seems real. I mean, it seems too shady to say "My aunt Mildred" when you may have known this person for a while. So if you go out and stretch the limb a bit and he doesn't get it simply say, "My great-aunt Marie" or something that is far easier to remember. It's important to give the family member a normal name because too many try to use these old fashioned names and it just is screaming "lie!" Well yes, you are trying to lie, but, you're being fashionable about it.
Acting a little broken up and creating a beautiful and sad story about one of your best 'memories' of Aunt Marie can make this more of a performance. I mean, let's face it, if you don't act broken up at all and rush it then there is an obvious cop out factor involved. Do it in person, be shaking and upset. Even cry before you get there if you have to. Just go to the door and be sincere. Try not to get too upset to the point you make yourself sick, though. That defeats the purpose. If he offers to be 'there' for you then state that no, you're more upset because your mother or father is just not taking it too well. Express you'll be busy with family affairs for a while and then just back out gracefully. Be sincere and state, "I'm sorry, I was looking forward to the date, too. But I just can't go out and leave my (example) mother alone. she was so close to Aunt Marie." If he doesn't understand and grows infantile right there in front of you state quite clearly, "If you can't understand a tragic family loss then I can't be with someone that cold. I'm sorry!" Then, you're free to go on without that dread of 'will he call in a few days?'

Sick

I'm talking downright praying-to-the-porcelain god sick. This can be a progressive story and a few days before the date start 'coming down' with symptoms. Tell him that you hope you get over whatever it is you're coming down with because you're just dying to go to that 70's disco dance club. As you approach the day of call him up and even if you have to get a good cry first (might I suggest watching Old Yeller or any countless other depressing and guaranteed-to-cause tears movie) so that your nose is stuffed up and you don't sound so well.

Be certain to express that you were up and down all night trying to get rest for the date, but you just couldn't when having to run for tissues or toilet relief every half hour. Gulp while on the phone and go quiet a second. Why? Sure it sounds odd but then you can go, "Okay, I thought I was going to get sick again..." (I've used this countless times to get off the phone with those I just had no interest in talking to) Tell him you can still try to go on the date, but you're not sure you'd be able to handle the fast moving and loud music without being sick every five minutes.

Now comes the fearful "How about I come over and take care of you?" offer that may very well be the next words you hear. If he does this you can go, "what?" Then state your ears are plugged up, but if he catches you off guard and you can't think that fast say, "Oh no- I'm going to the doctors tomorrow and I don't want anyone here on the chance it's contagious." Express how you don't want others to feel as miserable as you have and then tell him you're head is pounding. This should be his clue but if he's that dense then state that you're going to take some medicine and get some rest. Tell him you'll call him when you're feeling better and avoid going anywhere (should you go out) where he might be.

Broken toes

Now you're probably wondering, "girl, how on earth am I going to fake a broken toe?" Oh this is easy. Right now as I write this I'm suffering from a real broken toe. You can walk on them with shoes if you're bandaged properly. Nobody would have to know.

If you've ever had a broken toe you can understand how painful the whole foot and lower leg can be from one tiny ouch. It's amazing - people can have large cuts but the moment they get a paper cut they start to bawl like a baby.
This excuse works pretty well if you're supposed to go out dancing or walking. Tell him that you were just walking along and you just tripped. Yes, these 'freak' accidents do happen. If you have an animal you can use that in the equasion. "I was walking along and fluffy got under my foot and in order to avoid her I jumped, toppled into a corner of a chair/counter and next thing I know my foot and toes are turning a very beautiful purple."

He may offer to come over and help you out, but state that you just don't feel like being social since you're in pain. Generally people dislike others when they're in pain, after all. Even give yourself a headache. Yes. I'm serious. Headaches can come as a result of stress. I mean you were looking forward to that date and now you're stressed out because you're unable to walk normal for a while. Tell him that you'll give him a call in a few weeks when it's not sore and that you're sorry this happened.

Avoiding a date can be a sport all in its own. Dodging out of places to avoid getting caught and having to think quickly is almost like improv acting. Coming up with the perfect excuse to avoid a date is about as individual as the individual you're trying to get away from. Remember to be creative, but think within reasoning. It's about believability, after all. The more believable you make the story - the easier you're out of that date.