How to Get Out of Your Relationship Rut

Remember back to those days when we would fall all over ourselves in an attempt to please our date and prospective partner? Once the relationship is comfortable and established, those days tend to fall by the wayside. One of the most common complaints both women AND men have about their relationships today is that the romance has gone stagnant.

The comfort that we all want so desperately in a relationship, seems to be the very thing that causes boredom and tension, more commonly known as the rut. How do we get out of the relationship rut? The one thing people don't realize is that men and women view romance differently. Women are expecting one thing from their mate, while he is giving something completely different and vice versa. With these mentalities in play, the 'little things' in life become monumental, communication issues arise and someone or both parties ends up hurt or disappointed.

When men think of the romance women want, they are thinking of wining and dining their partner, showering her with presents, and going to extravagant extremes to please the woman of their dreams. They think this is what she wants in the way of romance. In this day and age there is little time for that so their idea of romance often gets left by the wayside. If she does not tell them that she wants otherwise, what else are they to think? Very often, what women would actually find incredibly romantic is if he just said "Honey, let me get the dishes tonight, why don't you go and relax for a little bit." And it wouldn't help if he had a cocktail in his hand when he said as much.

But women, how are your partners to know this if you don't nudge them along a little bit? Men on the other hand generally equate intimacy with their romantic needs, and so when the sparks in the bedroom start to fizzle, the assumption generally arises that she is not interested in pleasing him as much. He believes that she is not romantically invested in the relationship the same way she once was. It may not even occur to him that she is just plain exhausted and does not have the energy for it.

We women could learn a few things from the age old song by The Exciters, "Tell him that you're always going to need him, tell him that you're always going to love him, tell him, tell him, tell him right now." A common complaint heard from women is how their partners don't help them out enough around the house. My response is always the same "Have you asked them to?" This is generally met with, "I shouldn't HAVE to ask him to bath his own child for heaven's sake!" But truthfully, she should. He does not know she needs or wants him to help if she doesn't tell him.

What he sees is this amazing woman who has it all pulled together, she can bring home some bacon and cook it up for him too, all without a drop of help. It's a vicious cycle, and it is this very cycle that causes the relationship rut. A rut that is very easily resolved. Men, stop just once a day and see what you can do to show her you are paying attention to her needs. Fix her a tea, her favorite drink, or a bubble bath. If you give her that fifteen minutes of time and help now, you may just leave her with a little more energy for YOU later on in the evening. And women, tell him what you need from him. Tell him, tell him right now.