How to Get Over a Break-up

Getting over a break-up is hard and at times may seem impossible. In life you are guaranteed three things, you will catch a cold, you will pay taxes and you will get a broken heart.

While every break-up is different for each person and individual, hopefully these tips and ideas will help in dealing with your break-up.

Think about what happened and why. Whether you are the breaker or the breakee it's important to think about what happened and why it happened. It takes two people to be in a relationship but only one disgruntled person to break one up. If there were major issues in the relationship that caused the break-up think on these issues and learn from them. If there was no reason for it and it was just a one-person decision then it's ok. Think about what happened and remember that it is not your fault. Relationships sometimes seem like a good idea at the start and then for whatever reason they don't work in the end. It's important to learn from each relationship and then move on.

Understand your pain. It's ok to cry, scream, mourn, or sleep. Whatever you need to do to get through the mourning period you do it. It's important to allow yourself a few weeks to mourn and cry and deal with the pain. Hiding the pain, pushing it away and pretending it's not there isn't a good idea. Allow yourself time and if you need to stay away from people for a bit then that's ok just remember not to turn a season of mourning into a lifetime. A few weeks to a month should be long enough then it's time to slowly get back to life.

No contact. It's important that for a while you and your ex should not contact each other. No phone calls, emailing, instant messaging, and meeting up. Even if you both have decided to remain friends it's pivotal to keep the distance for a while, until you can talk to your ex without having feelings for them, or trying to get them back. For each couple this time can vary. It can take a month or two or sometimes years. It's important to respect yourself in needing time and especially the other person. It may only take you a few months where it may take them a year. It also may never happen. Keep it in mind that some choose not to associate at all after a break-up. Be sensitive to the other person after all they are going through a break up too.

You will go through the hate phase but keep it short. You will feel hate for your ex and then hate for yourself. Remember that you are a great person and deserve to be happy. Don't spend to long on this hate phase it's not healthy, doesn't benefit anyone and in the end is just a big waste of time.

Get yourself a buddy system. It's important to be able to rely on your friends during this time. Surround yourself with your friends and use them to cry on, laugh with and talk to. If you have family members you are close to they can be a great help too. It's important to have your alone time when going through a break-up but then you will need to be around people. It's a lot easier to get over a break-up when you have a support system there to help.

Keep a journal. I find this can be a big help. Being able to get your feelings out on paper can make a big difference. If you write poetry you may feel inspired. By keeping a journal you give yourself an outlet to be able to get your feelings out. This is very healthy.

A clean room is a happy room. Give yourself a clean room as a symbol of your fresh start. Having a clean room can help lessen the stress. Do a spring clean in the room to make it feel fresh and ready for a new start.

Get rid of your ex's things. If there are things that belong to your ex lying around get rid of them. Place them all in a box and if they are things that need to be returned and he/she has asked for it then place them out on the front porch and leave it at that. Do not answer the door or see him/her. If they haven't asked for it then just place it in a box and store it in the closet or basement so you can get it back to them once this is all over. If there are things that were given to you, you then need to make a choice about what to do with them. If you want keep one or two small things so that you can always remember the good times that's fine, then give away or throw out the remaining things. To many things attaching you to your ex can only further flame the break-up fire, It may serve to make you feel worse rather then better to have everything lying around. If there are few things you decide to keep then store them also in a small box and put it away. Right now you need to get over things and the less serving to remind you of them the better.

Don't rebound. It's important during this grieving process that you do not go after the next person who shows interest. You will be tempted to get into another relationship quickly but don't. In the end it's not fair to the other person and it will only result in another break-up.

Find a hobby. Look for something that makes you happy. If you have always wanted to take karate then take it. If you have always wanted to read every library book in the library then now's the time to start. Whatever class or activity you may find interesting now is the time to do it. Diverting your attention to a new hobby is often a great help in getting over a broken heart. It can help you to find joy again and keep you busy.

Exercise. It's important to continue or to start exercising. Working out can raise your energy levels, make you feel good and keep you healthy. These are all great reasons to add this into your life style especially after a break-up. Besides the best revenge is being, looking and living well.

Let go. It's important to eventually let go of everything. Yes it's sad and sure it hurts but there is time to mourn and a time to let go. Eventually you have to realise that this relationship was nice at one time but now it's over and whether you realise it or not you are better off. There are other fish in the sea and breaking up ultimately leads you to finding that perfect someone. It allows you to see yourself and what you need out of relationship for the next time around.

Tips

Leave your heartache behind. When the time is right you have to stop the grieving and leave it behind ready to start a new chapter in your life.

Don't worry about your ex. Don't spend time thinking about what are they doing right now? How are they? Do they miss me? These are needless questions that only serve to make you feel more pain then is necessary.

Do not look for revenge. It's important to be adult about it and realise that they are also going though a break-up and even if they did hurt you a lot (other then breaking up) revenge is never the answer. Remember life has a way of turning tables.

Don't chase after your ex. There was a reason you two broke up so chances are it wouldn't work even if you two did get back together.

Things you'll need during a break-up.

- Friends and family. This is the most important thing; surround yourself with family and friends.

- Teddy bear. These are cuddly and fun. They make great pillow to cry on and great listeners to talk to at 3am in the morning when everyone else is asleep.

- Baths or showers. Although you may not feel like getting out of bed showers or baths are great. Hot showers and baths relieve tension and relax muscles and just generally make you feel better.

- Journals. It's good to have a journal near by to write down your difficult feelings or these that you can't describe to your family and friends.

- Comedy. It's important to laugh. Whether it's watching a funny movie, or going to a local comedy festival or bar it will help to have someone to laugh with.

- Your sense of humour. Take life as a joke laugh and smile as much as you can.

- Lots of tissues.

Of course this advice doesn't work for everyone but it will help. The best medicine for getting over a break-up ultimately is time.