How to Overcome the Blues on Your Child's First Birthday

The day of my daughter's birth went completely unexpected. The all natural birthing experience (without drugs) turned into a nightmare experience. When an emergency c-section resulted, I felt like a failure and horribly humiliated. I was not excited about celebrating the prospect of my daughter's first birthday. A few weeks prior, I had spoken to my friend Angela about the feelings, emotions and events of my daughter's transition from the womb to us. The turmoil of the day still haunts me every day since.

Recently I discovered that many friends and relatives were excited about the anticipation of my daughter's first birthday. Gloomy, I decided to celebrate but my heart was not in it. Who would want to celebrate such a terrible memory on that day? Yet, I was torn because this is a big day for my daughter and I want to make her first and every birthday a happy and memorable event. It is not her fault that the caregivers at the hospital were unprofessional in their care and that the labor didn't go as I had planned. I prayed. Then I called my friend Angela and told her about it. I wanted to let her know that she was invited to come and celebrate it.

My friend Angela was empathetic knew how upset I was about the upcoming date of my baby's 1st birthday....so when I told her everyone wanted to celebrate (her, my other friend from Madison, WI, my mother-in-law etc.....) I sounded bummed. She said, "OK, we'll make it fun. What will the theme be?" I said, "I don't know.:(" She said, "Surely you have to have a party THEME (emphasis on theme)!" I said actually I was just planning to have people come. She goes, "No, no no...that won't work!" and then she continues with, "How bout Sleeping Beauty?" I said "Sleeping Beauty! That Sounds like an wonderful theme!" She says..."OK, Sleeping Beauty it is & I know all these great Sleeping Beauty party favors I can get you....(She says excited & then pauses)...that I'd love to help you plan it if that would be OK?" I said, "OK?! That would be fantastic!", I told her, "Do you know how unexcited I am about this upcoming party & how excited it makes me to hear you say that?!"

Angela spent the next several weeks calling me and telling me about her awesome shopping trips and the amazing things we could get to celebrate the party. She was having so much fun that her happiness was contagious. I found myself getting happy & excited.

So Angela sent me a brown box labeled, "What can brown do for you?" and "Party in a box". This made my day, week, & year! What a great friend I have! So Rachelle will have a Sleeping Beauty Party with a very happy mom! I am actually excited about the upcoming day?!

This experience has helped me realized that the best medicine for celebrating the first birthday of a child's arrival whose labor didn't go as planned is to CELEBRATE!

Many moms don't talk about the terrible and traumatic feelings they have as they approach a child's first birthday. It just seems bad. We want people to know that we love our children and we are happy to celebrate their arrival. Yet, it is hard to separate the arrival of a child from the anniversary date of what may have been a traumatic day in our lives. It was my natural instinct as I approached the day to plan a small party and hide my head in a cocoon. I wanted to ignore the day, pretend it didn't happen and hope it would go away. I did not thoughtfully plan this approach but it was the plan I intended to do. However, as friends started calling, I realized I needed to plan my daughter's birthday and invite people. The steps I have taken for the sake of others have helped me too. From my experience of what has helped me, here are some ideas that have helped me.

The first thing to do when you need to cheer up and realize that this is celebrating your daughter's birthday and not a bad birth is to invite people to your daughter's (or son's) first birthday. It will help to have people rally around you. Their excitement will be contagious.

The second thing to do is celebrate. Make the day a big deal and you will find other people will cheer you up. I planned to just hide on my baby's first birthday, but "plan a" would not have been best for me. By inviting others to celebrate, it forces me to see the good and beauty that has been brought out of a traumatic day. Remember, this may be the 1 year anniversary of a traumatic day for you, but keep in focus that more importantly this is your beautiful babies celebration of her first day of life (or him)! Relax and remember the reason you are happy.....Your child turns one today!

The third thing to do is pick a theme. You need some extra cheering up so pick a theme you will enjoy planning. Your child likely will not care or remember this birthday so choose a theme you would most enjoy. This is one of the few years you can decide a theme for your child's birthday. We chose Sleeping Beauty for our baby girl's birthday and since I love Sleeping Beauty (it has a lot of romantic significance for Paul & I), this was a wonderful topic to choose. It has greatly increased my anticipation of the day.

By anticipating the celebration of your child's first year of life, you will keep the day in perspective. Even in the most traumatic of labors, every loving mother would go through it again simply to enjoy the blessings of having your child. What a blessing children are! We get to celebrate their first year of life! Your child won't remember the trauma of the day, rather they remember the joy of living with you!