How to Overcome Feelings of Envy: Interview with Therapist Laurel B. Steinberg, LMHC

Feelings of envy are a natural part of human emotion, however if you allow it to impact your relations with others and your internal well being then envy can rob you of happiness. To help understand where envy stems from and how feelings of envy can rob you of your happiness, I have interviewed Psychotherapist Laurel B. Steinberg, LMHC.

Tell me a little bit about yourself.

"I am a Licensed Psychotherapist practicing near Manhattan's Union Square. I trained in Psychotherapy at NYU, which has one of the country's leading Applied Psychology graduate training programs. To learn more about my work, feel free to visit my website at www.LaurelSteinberg.com "

Where does envy stem from?

"Envy begins when a person thinks that someone else has something that is far superior to something of his/her own and thinks that this inequitable distribution of the bounty is just not fair. That something can be money, status, love, good looks, or just about anything else that is valued by that person or society. Although it might make one feel depressed, angry, or guilty about thinking mean thoughts about the people in our lives, envy can be a USEFUL emotion because it forces us to critically evaluate what we have by comparison. Often we don't like what we see and sometimes we can get to changing it."

How does envy rob someone of happiness?

"I recently opened a fortune cookie and the message read: "Better is the enemy of good." This message couldn't be more true, for there will always be someone richer, smarter, thinner, prettier, or more successful (and some all five!!) and if we spend a lot of time focusing on what we DO NOT have instead of what we DO have, we will just be left feeling sad and less than good enough. Envy typically involves unrealistically elevating or idealizing the virtues of others while denigrating what we have by comparison. The things we have worked hard to achieve (sometimes over months, years, or decades) become taken for granted and not valued as much as they could be. Our positive circumstances and attributes are dismissed or diminished in the equation."

What can someone do when feelings of envy arise?

"Make the emotion work for you as it was intended when it was evolutionarily bred into humans. Carefully analyze exactly what you envy and why. How vital is it to your happiness? Is there something like it that is achievable by you? Can you substitute inspiration for envy? When you realistically evaluate what you have, independent of your perceptions of what another has, you can work toward eliminating your dissatisfaction by providing insight into what change is possible or necessary to get you closer to where you want to be.

Perspective can also change when we remember that there are many people born into circumstances a lot less fortunate than our own who would trade places with us in a heartbeat. Give yourself a break from demanding to have more or being the best. Treasure your blessings, including your loved ones. If you are lacking in a blessing that is important to you, put your nose to the grindstone and continue to work hard towards those things you healthily prefer to have. Don't just sit and whine - if someone else could achieve it, you may also be able to. Feeling stuck? Short-term psychotherapy can help you overcome your envy and teach you how to tolerate the frustrations associated with changing your lot in life."

Thank you, Laurel, for participating in this interview on how envy can rob someone of feelings of happiness. For more information on Laurel B. Steinberg or her work, visit her website at www.LaurelSteinberg.com.

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