How to Overcome Life's Little Annoyances and Be Happy

"Don't let it bother you." How many times did you hear that when you were a kid? Good advice, but easier said than done.

More often than not, "Don't let it bother you." is interpreted as "Ignore it." Although that may be the best way to deal with an unpleasant situation in the short term, it's not emotionally healthy in the long run.

Middle ground can be found in the concept of "allowing". It's a concept that has gained popularity in recent years, but many people don't know exactly what it is. "Allowing" is the place, or middle ground, if you will, between being upset by other people's actions or behaviors and stuffing your feelings down into submission.

When we allow others to be who they are- in other words, when we allow people to act they way they chose to act, even if it upsets us- we are able to acknowledge and accept them without the wave of negative emotions that would normally accompany the situation.

Allowing is not the same as ignoring. For example: Imagine yourself in a situation where you see someone do something that makes you feel a sense of disapproval. You consciously decide to say and do nothing, even though you're upset by it. That's not allowing. That's ignoring.

Allowing is not the same as letting someone know how you feel, either. For example: Imagine that your spouse exhibits repetitive annoying behavior. You resolve to calmly discuss the matter, working toward resolution. That's not allowing. That's trying to persuade someone else to your line of thinking.

The best analogy for allowing is found in The Sedona Method by Hale Dworkin. Dworkin tells us to imagine that your arm is outstretched, palm up, hand open. You are open to having anything placed in your hand. But in order for you to keep it in your hand, you must make a conscious decision to hold on. By deciding to hang on to it, you then carry it around with you.

Allowing won't stop negative or unpleasant things from coming your way. These experiences are still there. You can't block them, you shouldn't welcome them; but you are able to allow them to be what they are. They are things that only effect you if you decide to channel your attention and energies into them. Plain and simple: loosen your grip and let it go. Once you've stopped hanging on to it you'll be surprised at how little effect it has on you.