How to Overcome Shyness: Common Myths and Misconceptions

Do you suffer from shyness or do you know someone who does? What causes it and how can one overcome it? Here's a chance to test your knowledge about this painful subject. The following are 8 common misconceptions about shyness.

-Shy people are almost never belligerent. This is False. According to Stanford psychologist, Dr. Phillip Zimbardo, lacking the skills for righting a wrong, a shy person may overreact to a distressing situation by becoming belligerent. The resulting confrontation reinforces the shy person's feelings of inadequacy.

-Shy people can't ever truly overcome their condition, but they can learn to live with it. Also False. People can change and shy people can learn to overcome their shyness. There are many clinics and workshops to help people gain the self confidence and social skills that will allow them to be more assertive.

-Alcohol can help a person to relax and cope with his or her shyness. It is a useful tool in this sense. Very False. Many shy people turn to alcohol and other drugs in an attempt to escape their fears, but actually, these drugs reduce, rather than enhance self-control and increase the chance of social errors that will cause the person to feel foolish.

-Shyness is strictly a learned response. Yet again, false. Jonathan Cheek, assistant professor of psychology at Wellesley College, has found convincing evidence that there may be shy genes. About two of every five Americans consider themselves shy and about half of these timid souls may have inherited the trait according to Dr. Cheek's research on 800 sets of identical twins.

-Most children don't exhibit any shyness until they start to school. Noticing a pattern here....FALSE! Dr. Cheek's study revealed that a tendency toward shyness is discernible well before the age of 3.

-As far as shyness is concerned, there are no ethnic differences. Not True! A team of psychologists claimed to have found no shy children among thousands observed in mainland China. The Japanese and Taiwanese tend to be shyer, with 60 percent saying the experienced shyness more than occasionally. Not surprisingly, Europeans are some of the least shy people.

-There's almost no way parents can be overprotective of the shy child who needs constant reinforcement. That's why they are called misconceptions, because they are not true. Parents make a mistake when they become overly protective of their shy children. This can actually reinforce the child's sense of isolation. Unconditional love is the first step in developing the self-confidence children need to overcome shyness.

-Focusing on others, the interests, feelings and problems of others, helps us overcome shyness. This one is actually true. Shyness is linked to a preoccupation with self and it often helps shy people to remember that others are probably as nervous and shy as they are in certain difficult social situations. If you answered six of these eight questions correctly, you're better informed than most on this subject.

Sources:

Carducci, Bernardo The Shyness Breakthrough 2003

Carducci Ph.D, Bernardo J. and Susan Golant Shyness: A Bold New Approach 2000