How to Get Past the Second Date

Congratulations. You made it through the first date and not only does he want a second date, he wants you to plan it. Oh, dear! What's a good plan for a second date, a plan that gives a third date a chance, maybe even a fourth?

Planning a second date is much like planning an outing with a toddler; only offer activities that you find acceptable. If you aren't sure that he would like a night at the opera, find an assortment of activities you would enjoy and ask which one he would prefer.

Keep the second date low key. You don't want to scare him off or give a false impression. A romantic home-cooked dinner on the second date sends him the wrong signals. He'll either run from you, fearing a wedding-obsessed wannabe bride, or assume you are signaling you want to jump start the relationship and expect to jump into bed for dessert.

My first choice for a second date would be a local festival that gives you a chance to stroll, chat and learn more about each other's likes and dislikes. My last choice would be a movie or sporting event because both persons are passive spectators and there is no opportunity to learn anything unless you also plan coffee and discussion afterwards.

Keep it fun for both of you. The worst date I ever had was one I planned, trying to impress Mr. Might B. Right, at a tournament for a game that I hated and he loved. There was nothing to talk about, because he was babbling on about the technical points of playing umfball and I was desperately trying to smile and be charming. There was no third date.

Make sure it's a short-term activity with an easy escape route in case things go horribly wrong. Even if you are both experienced outdoors adventurers who met on the rock wall at the gym, a day-long climbing trip for a second date is asking for disaster. There is no ride home longer than the ride home from the mountains with a passenger who isn't speaking to you.

A group activity, such as a weekend barbecue with friends or a short hike with a picnic lunch afterwards gives you a chance to size him up in a non-romantic setting. How is he in groups? Does he get drunk and make passes at your friends? Does he help with the clean up or just watch others working?

And remember, it's the 21st century. Feel free to substitute "she" for "he" anywhere in this article. And don't expect him to pick up the check. If you can't afford it, don't plan it.