How People Are Being Taught to Devalue Themselves

People are no longer hearing "Be All That You Can Be;" people are no longer hearing "I'm O.K., You're O.K.;" instead, people are hearing that they are 'broken' and need 'fixing'-- in short, being taught to devalue themselves.

Walk through a bookstore, and pay special attention to the "self-help" section. Do you get a kind of "crawly" feeling, pondering that since there are sooo many of these books, and they are sooo popular, there must be something there which pertains to you? Next, associate with some "double-digit sobriety" members of 12-Step Programs-- listen carefully to their vocabulary. What is the simililarity? both assume that there is something wrong, something devastatingly wrong with everyone.

This is not to say if you have a problem you should not address it; by all means do, and get the help you need. But what is wrong with this current perspective is that it is teaching people to devalue themselves, that one cannot possibly be "o.k." as is, that one cannot possibly be acceptable as is, that there must be something wrong and that must be one's focus. While of course many people do have various addictions, conditions, etc., the fact is the majority do not-- the majority of adult Americans have what used to be known as "Life," life with its everyday challenges, life with its occasional crises, and "Life" is not something a person needs Programs or Self-Help books or Support Groups for. Perhaps this trend of broken-and-need-fixing can be considered an addiction or a dependency in itself-- it does little to help those who are in need, and is quite a source of aggravation to those who are not.

The daily life of Mr. or Miss. Average usually consists of some type of difficulties-- family, job, school. These things are a normal part of life-- when something is in front of you to deal with, deal with it. But even Mr. and Miss. Average are being bombarded by this devaluing trend-- told that everything in life is a "problem," or an "issue," and that they cannot possibly "resolve" even the smallest inconvenience without resorting to books, therapists, or a sponsor. If the trend gets a strong enough hold on a person, he will be told that everything is a matter of his "past"-- insisting that he could not possibly be o.k. as he is, he is prodded to examine and analyze everything as far back as his early-childhood experiences, in order to determine what is "wrong" with him. The message: There must be something wrong, something which needs fixing, because there's something wrong with everybody. If one is essentially content with oneself and one's life, the response is that you are "in denial"-- and this assessment usually comes from those who have serious problems which they are not addressing, preferring instead to resent those who do not have such problems.

In prodding average folks to look, search, poke and pry for problems which do not exist, not only attempts to cast doubt on oneself, but to begin considering that perhaps you are less than you could and should be, that there are some unspoken standards that you do not meet, that you are "not o.k." And this feeling of "not o.k." causes you to devalue yourself in your own eyes-- you are no longer as self-assured as you were before, you are no longer as content with yourself or with your life. And given that all this opposition against feeling "o.k." comes from literature which is referred to as "self-help," and Programs which use the word "recovery," doesn't it seem odd that too much interaction with either takes away the confidence and self-assurance that you did have?