How to Be the Perfect Mother of the Groom

The mother of the groom often gets left out of the wedding plans, and therefore often does not realize what her role is before and during the wedding. Some of these suggestions are mere common sense and others are from different professional wedding sources. This guide will help you to be the perfect mother of the groom, knowing what to do and what not to do.

1) After the couple announces their wedding, it is proper to try to get in contact with the bride's family. This should be done via a phone call, not an impersonal letter or email. Many suggest even trying to set up a lunch date in order to meet the family and spend some time with them. However, many modern families already know the bride's family before the announcement is made. Such is the case with me, having spent the bride's birthday and even Easter with her family. Still, I gave the family a congratulatory call, letting them know I would be more than happy to welcome their daughter into our family and to share families.

2) Stay out of the couple's wedding decisions, unless asked to help. The worst way to start off a relationship with your future daughter in law is to tell her how to run her own wedding. I have helped out, but only when asked, and given my opinion only when asked. If the couple needs help, they will ask. Even if the color scheme or dress choices are terrible, remember to bite your lip. You once had your own wedding, and this is theirs.

3) Be sure to create a list of family members, important friends and business associates that the bride and groom may want to invite to the wedding. Before making the list, ask how large their guest list will be. This will help you in weeding out people to match their guest list size. Also, although you may want your Great Aunt Pearl to attend the wedding, it is up to the bride and groom to decide who attends. Also, sometimes the couple may add family members, friends or business associates to the list, that you failed to leave out. Don't let your personal likes or dislikes dictate who you put on the list.

4) Be sure you know what the groom's family is expected to pay for. There are numerous web sites and wedding shops, that can provide help with what the typical expenses are. However, remember that a lot of modern couples want to cover some of the wedding costs on their own, so be sure to ask what they would like you to help with that is on your list. Luckily, my son and his bride are paying for a large part of the wedding by themselves. Also, if you have the extra expenses, and can help out with extras, I am sure the couple would not mind. Be flexible too. Reception expenses and accessories are not the traditional responsibility of the groom's family, but my future daughter in law asked if I could lend the money for some accessories until payday. I just paid for it without expecting anything in return.

5) Attend the bridal shower. This is expected. Ask the bride if there is any certain attire that she would like for you to wear to the wedding. My future daughter in law had the cutest shirts made up, so the guests would know who was who - bridesmaids, mother of the bride, mother of the groom. Be sure to check the bride and groom's gift registry to make sure you did not copy a gift. It is acceptable to either purchase something on the registry list or to buy something more personnel, such as picture frames or lingerie. However, be respectful and buy memory books. I would shy away from lingerie as this may embarrass the bride.

These suggestions come mainly from experience. After all, this is my second wedding as mother of the groom. Hopefully by following a few simple rules, you too can be the perfect mother of the groom.