How Do You Pick the Perfect Wedding Date?

This doesn't originally seem like it should be such a big deal, but when you and your fiancé sit down to actually discuss WHEN you should get married, you will soon learn just how complicated this can be. If you are planning to have a big wedding, setting the perfect wedding date is even more difficult, because you have to plan your wedding date around the schedules of the church, the caterer, your family and friends whom you want to attend, and of course, your own busy life and schedule as well as that of your fiancé.

Of course, you could do what I have finally decided would be best for me, and just elope to Las Vegas, and not worry about the date, family or friends, and then come back home and have a party - but chances are you will hurt a lot of feelings by taking this route, and there's no reason to start your relationship off with family and friends already upset with you for excluding them.

So whether you are going to have a big wedding or not, the first thing you will probably decide as a couple after you become engaged is to set your wedding date.

Of course, it is important to decide how long of an engagement you want to have and how long it will take for you to be able to plan the wedding and/or reception for your wedding to help you decide when you will actually set the wedding date. If you become engaged in December and figure it will take you three months to plan the wedding, then that leaves you to schedule the wedding some time around March or early April. If it will take six months to plan the wedding, then you move into a summer wedding dated.

So the first thing to decide is how long it will take to plan the wedding and get a general idea of what month you will be able to schedule the wedding, and that should narrow things down from 365 days to chose from to just a few months time to select your wedding date.

Once you have that narrowed down, you can begin to drill the wedding date down a bit further by taking these things into consideration:

Holidays:

While it may seem really romantic to be married on Christmas Day, New Year's Day, Valentine's Day, or your or your fiancé's birthdays, many couples have reported that, after years of marriage, they have felt cheated out of a holiday and an anniversary by scheduling their wedding date on a major holiday. Additionally, family and friends will often overlook an anniversary if it coincides with or is close to a major holiday or event.

By excluding all major holidays, and not scheduling your wedding date within one week of any major holiday, you can better narrow down a perfect wedding date.

Special Events:

If you are a woman who is marrying a man who is a major football fan, let me warn you about scheduling your wedding date anytime around football playoffs and the Super Bowl. While these dates change each year, you are bound to have the Super Bowl land on your anniversary at least a few years while you are married, and this makes for a really tough situation, unless you too are an avid football fan.

You might want to look at your parent's and your sibling's anniversaries and birthdays too. Planning your wedding on the same day as a special event for another family member won't be too bad for your anniversary, but for your wedding, you don't want to overshadow another family member, even if it's just for the one day. Of course, they would never forget your anniversary, but it's probably best to plan your wedding for a date when nothing major is happening in your family or that of your future spouse.

Family and Friends:

You need to consider your family and friends who you absolutely cannot do without at your wedding, and make sure you schedule the wedding at a time when everyone who simply must be at or in your wedding can attend.

Type of Wedding:

If you want to have an outside wedding, it's probably best to pick a day when you know the weather will be perfect for an outdoor wedding. If you live in an area known for rain, you want to be sure to plan your wedding during the non-rainy season. If it's known to be very cold in the winter months in your state or city, then a winter outdoor wedding probably won't be all that comfortable for you or your guests.

Spring and summer outdoor weddings can be nice, but if you live in a southern state like I do, known for super summers in July and August, think about how comfortable you and your wedding party will be in dresses and tuxedos in the heat of the day (which lasts well into the night) and exactly how your wedding cake will look after it's sat in 100 degree plus temperatures for more than an hour - not to mention what it would do if you wanted ice sculptures!

If you want a church wedding, then you will want to discuss with the church before you set your date to make sure the church and the minister you request will be available on the date you set.

Hotel and banquet hall weddings work great, but you have the same problem as the church. You should be sure to call ahead to all the locations you want to consider for your wedding and make sure the date you want to select is available for renting.

Honeymoon:

If you and your fiancé work, and you want to have a honeymoon after your wedding, it is important to schedule your wedding date around a time that both of you can take enough time off work to have that honeymoon after your wedding.

Easy to Remember:

You've heard the long running joke about how husbands can never remember their anniversaries, so it would be a good idea to pick a date that will be easy for you both and for your friends and family to remember. Dates that are auspicious for some reason - an easy to remember number, contains a lucky number, or has some personal meaning or significance to one or both of you - will make the anniversary easier to remember in future years, especially if you can share the importance of the date with family and friends too.

Sentimental Significance:

Do you remember the date when you and your fiancé first met? How about the date when you first kissed or the first time you made love? Perhaps you remember the exact date you moved in together if you are living together before you get married. You can choose one of these dates for your wedding date and this will give your wedding date a very sentimental meaning.

However, be careful not to use dates that may have a negative or highly emotional attachment to it for other reasons. For example, it's not a good idea to set your wedding date on the same day your future husband's divorce was final from his first wife. It's also not a good idea to set your wedding date on the same day someone you know died or on or around the same date as a traumatic experience.

Or minds remember grief even if we are not consciously aware of it, and you want your anniversary and wedding date to be all about the love and joy you share as a couple, with no negative emotions to taint it.

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When my fiancé and I sat down to pick our wedding date, the first thing we did was exclude all major holiday celebrated in America, and most of the minor ones too (but not all). For example, January has New Year's Eve and New Year's Day and then my birthday is in January too. We figured there was too much going on in January already, so we then looked at February - February has Valentine's day but also has a day that carries a negative emotion for me, so February was out.

March - St. Patrick's Day, yeah, I don't want green champagne at my wedding, but other than that, March is a very nice spring month when the weather is nice, but it also coincides with spring break in most locations. Since my fiancé is a college professor, this was a really good month for us to consider, since he would be able to take time off from work during the spring break month and we could have a nice wedding without missing work and be able to celebrate anniversaries in style. So March was one good month we marked down on our list.

April First is the only major holiday during April, but he was born in April - so while we didn't exclude April completely, it wasn't as strong a month as March. May was the last month of school, and since I'm a mother and he is a teacher, the last month of school is a bit too busy for us both to try to plan a wedding and be able to enjoy future anniversaries. Plus, I had two major negative dates in May, so May was definitely ruled out.

June is a good month. A summer wedding can be beautiful, and since we are both free during the summer and the kids aren't in school and there is no major holiday that month, this one was added to our list to chose from, but took into consideration the fact that college graduation is the first month of June on many campuses, and he is required as a department head to be part of the commencement ceremonies.

July is beginning to get hotter down here in the South, and there is also the Fourth of July and my son's birthday that month, as well as the fact that a lot of people take vacations during July, so travel will probably be more expensive and busy during this time for future anniversary trips. July was out and that brought us to August, which is a very hot month down here and school also is beginning at the end of August, plus his parents were married that month, so we excluded August.

September - a beautiful fall wedding, but this month had two negative days in it for me and with school having just come back into session for the year, it was not the best month. October is a bad month - my daughter, mother, brother, and best friend were all born in October, as well as Halloween that month, and one negative date for me - so it was out. November and December both have major national holidays that come into primary focus, so we immediately excluded both months from our choices.

That left us with March and April, with April being the runner up, so we managed in a few minutes to narrow it down to about 28 days during the month of March to set our perfect wedding date, and even narrowed it down a bit further in order to try to plan it around the time spring break would occur most frequently. This made it a lot easier to start calling around to see where and when we could actually set a firm date for the wedding.

You and your fiancé can sit down together and do the same things we did, and take all the factors included above into consideration and not only is it fun and exciting to talk about your wedding and the wedding date, but you should be able to really narrow down your perfect wedding date pretty quickly.

There is one other option to explore, and the reason I even say this one is because we actually considered this (and are still considering it), and it seems to have become very popular in social circles nowadays too.

You and your fiancé can actually get married in a very small private ceremony, elope to a JP or to Vegas, and get married on any day you choose, and then plan a big wedding reception and party where you actually take your public vows for your friends and family. The only downside to this for the men is that it now means you have TWO anniversaries to remember!

Whatever date you choose for your wedding, just keep your focus on the reason for the wedding, your love and affection and commitment to each other, and less on the specifics. After all, if you really love each other and are committed to a life together, the day you get married is not all that important in the scheme of things.

Congratulations on your engagement and best of luck and love for your wedding, whatever date you set.