How to Play Doctor as an Adult

Reliving ones childhood is extremely difficult in this hustle/bustle/"move *&%$#! Get out the way/Get out the way &%$#@, get out the way" world. Doing certain activities are neigh impossible because most people fail to realize their approach has to grow up like they did. Because I'm such a helpful person, I've decided to guide you through the steps of "playing doctor" when you are old enough to become one.

Make sure to always have a pack of Wet Naps on you. All doctors are notorious for practicing good hygiene in and out of the hospital. Doesn't matter what kind of doctor you pretend to be. Even butt doctors like to keep their hands clean(even though it's impossible for them to do so).

Never stay in one area for more than 15 minutes. You must create the allusion that you are a busy man/woman who doesn't have that more free time due to needy patients. Where should scurry off to? That's up to you. I would advice going to the stripe club, unless it's somewhere near a local hospital,. It'll be easier to explain that way.

If you are confronted by someone while in such an establishment, you can just say you're checking up on a former patient.

Keeping golf equipment in the trunk or back seat of your car is another great tactic. Even if you don't enjoy golf, you should still get a few clubs. Head over to the driving rang and see how many times you can hit the doofus that collects the balls. Bonus points for making him fall down, drool and twitch!

Finally, whatever you do, refrain from telling made up medical stories at parties. These never end well. There is always a chance that someone more knowledgeable is listening/ease dropping on the conversation, waiting to burst your bubble by correcting pronunciation on body parts and such. Stick to the 'hey I'm wasted...Lookie what I can do with a stethoscope!" gags, and you'll be fine.