How to Prepare Your Child to Attend a New Baby's Birth

With family-oriented births becoming a priority for more and more women, the number of older siblings attending the birth of their new baby brothers or sisters is increasing. It can be a wonderful experience to participate in the arrival of a new sibling but children who will be present at a birth should have some preparation ahead of time. Here are midwife, doctor, and family approved tips for how to prepare your older children to be present at the birth of a new sibling.

Look through some graphic pregnancy books with your children.

You want to look through some anatomy pregnancy books with your child - books with detailed pictures or drawings in them as opposed to pregnancy books with just a bunch of words. Show them where the baby is and what will happen for the baby to come out. If you do not prepare the child for the birthing process and what it entails the surprise might upset them. With this little bit of visual preparation however most children have a very favorable response to being present at their sibling's births.

Take your children to a gym or weight-lifting club.

Let them watch some of the hard-core body builders. What do you notice about the weight lifters? Sweat on their faces. Grimaces and "funny" facial expressions. Grunts and groans and other vocalizations. Explain to your children that the body builder is working very hard to lift that large weight and it makes him feel better to make those noises. Then explain to them that when the baby is born you will be working very hard too and might make similar loud noises and funny expressions. Later, when you are in labor and are "working very hard", they will understand better and not be surprised.

Push the couch across the floor.

This great idea came directly from my midwife. Similar to taking your children to the gym, and a great follow-up to that field trip, have your children help you push a heavy couch, coffee table or other large furniture piece across the floor. Let them have fun vocalizing and making faces. Keep things light hearted and fun but explain that when you are in labor you will be working even harder than they are right now and will also make funny faces and loud noises to help you work harder.

Vocalization fun!

Practice vocalizing with your children. Get down on all fours (a common and comfortable position for laboring) and "Moo" long and deep like a cow. This is a similar pitch of many of the natural vocalizations women use during labor. It becomes a funny game that is familiar to them, and a young child will recognize "the game" when you are actually in labor and won't be frightened.

Watch a pre-selected birth video with your child.

Many midwives, childbirth educators or doctors will have a selection of birth videos available to loan out. Some good titles include "Gentle Birth Choices" and "Birth Day" are two excellent choices that your local library should be able to procure for you via Inter-Library Loan.

Watching your child's reaction to what they are seeing and hearing on the video will help give you an idea of how the child might react to being present at the birth and help you decide whether they should be there or not. Make sure they have already had the preparation listed above before watching any of these videos and sit with them through the first viewing.

Keep a running commentary about what is happening on the video. "See, now the mommy in on her hands and knees. Remember when we did that like a moo-cow?" "Oh, look at her face. She is working really hard isn't she! Let's pretend we are lifting a heavy weight and working hard like she is." "Look - here comes the baby's head. Remember this means the baby is almost here!" "There's the baby! See how the cord is still helping him breath and get food. Soon they will cut the cord and that doesn't hurt the baby at all." "See the white stuff on his skin. That keeps his skin soft like lotion."

Explain what they should expect a newborn to look like.

One of the most surprising things for some children who don't understand is the cutting of the cord. Make sure you have explained to them that it doesn't hurt the baby to cut the cord. Also a newborns hands and feet might have a slightly bluish tint to them, or red marks on their skin. A newborn's head might be slightly misshapen and the skin might be covered in vernix, a white protective coating. Older children should see pictures of newborns and have an idea what to expect their sibling to look like.

Have a designated person to care for your older child.

Any child under the age of about 12 or so should have someone there just for them. For the child - not for you. This can be an Aunt, babysitter, grandmother or anyone the child knows and trusts. The care person should also understand that they may or may not be present at the birth and that their focus is not on you in any way, but on the child.

Many mothers are afraid they will have trouble concentrating during labor if they are worried about their other children. Having someone there specifically to tend to the child; keep him occupied, take him to the poddy, fix him a meal, get him a drink or remove him from the room if he becomes anxious will allow the mother to focus on labor without distractions. Often it is easiest to have the child leave the room during a long first stage labor or during the intensity of transition and come back for the usually much shorter delivery (2^nd stage) portion.

Stay Flexible!
That is easier to do when you know that your child has been well prepared for being present at the birth and has the option to come and go as he pleases with his designated care person. Let your child make the ultimate decision and don't be too emotionally attached to any certain outcome.

Following these tips will help you thoroughly prepare your older children to be present at the birth of their siblings, while still allowing them the option to leave if they so desire. Many families feel like having the older siblings there for the actual birth event helps make them feel more connected to the new arrival, minimize sibling rivalry and increase the ease of the transition.

I know for me, being present at the last four home births my mother has not only helped me feel more involved with my younger siblings, but also gave me a much better understanding of what to expect in my own labors. I feel I was much better prepared than many first time mothers because I had seen an actual birthing experience outside of Hollywood and dramatic theatrics of the Discovery Channel. And in turn, having my own son present at the birth of his baby sister made for one of the most miraculous and heart warming experiences of my entire life.