How to Prepare for a Death in the Family - Steps to Deal with End-of-Life Decisions

In addition to the stream of emotion and sadness that a family deals with when a loved one is terminally ill, there is a mountain of logistics and paperwork that can seem insurmountable and overwhelming when you are faced with an impending death in the family. No one wants to have to troll through reams of documents and forms before, during and after the traumatic death of a loved one.

Here are a few tips and pointers for preparing yourself and your family, so that you can more seamlessly deal with the death of a loved one and get on with the process of grieving.

The Terminally Ill

No one likes to hear that their mother, father, sister or brother has been diagnosed with cancer, or any number of other terminal illnesses. These proclamations are terrible to take in, but in another sense, they can provide an incredible gift of time - time to say goodbye, and time to help your dying family member put their life in order so they can feel at peace.

Making a List, Check It Twice. If possible, you may want to work with your loved one to create a list of all the important account numbers and passwords to things like bank accounts, insurance policies and utility bills. Having this information at your fingertips will make the administrative hassle a bit more bearable when you have to notify accounts with a status update.

Password Please. These days, individuals leave an incredible digital trail that can last for long after their death if not managed carefully. While, increasingly, there are services like Legacy Locker, which you can pay to manage this process for you and your loved one, there are some simple ways that you can help remove a footprint after one's death. After gathering all the appropriate user names and passwords to top sites - including email addresses, social networks and photo sites - you can create a form email (which can also eventually link to a death notice in the newspaper)

Understanding Their Wishes. Some people facing death are very upfront and vocal about how they envision their funeral or memorial service. Other family members may not be as forthcoming. Spend some time trying to ascertain what would give your loved one the most comfort once they have passed. From a medical perspective, do they want a "Do Not Resuscitate" order? Do they want a religious ceremony? Do they have someone specific whom they want to preside over or speak at their service? Do they want a solemn or upbeat ceremony? Do they want to be buried, or cremated? Where do want to be buried, or have their ashes scattered? What do they want written on a tombstone, or said about them in an obituary?

Finding out answers to these questions will only help put your mind at ease, as well as that of your loved one. In addition, you can start planning a service ahead of time. You can contact churches, synagogues, or other less traditional venues to find out what you need to know about holding a service at that particular location. Particulary for non-religious venues, it is helpful to contact them beforehand to let them know how you intend to use their location, and they can be of assistance to you in contacting florists, caterers, A/V equipment vendors so that you have all of these people lined up in advance of the service, and set it into motion when the need arises.

Take The Reigns. In addition to sorting out finances, you will want to speak to your family attorney, not only to make sure a will is in order, but potentially to put a power-of-attorney in place for your loved one. If he or she becomes incapacitated, and you need to make household decisions, this power-of-attorney will be invaluable in allowing you to make not-only medical decisions, but also dealing with administrative issues with less of a headache.

Notify the Professionals. It is a good idea to have discussions with your Financial and Tax Advisors and let them know about this major life change that is on the verge of occurring. These trusted advisors can help you to make important financial decisions, and also help you line up life insurance benefits.

Set Up A Phone Tree. When set backs or progress occurs, or when the moments wind down with a loved one, you may not be emotionally ready to start notifying all of your friends and family. It is not a bad idea to consider setting up a phone tree of family and friends so you only have to let one trusted person know what is going on, and that person can share any pertinent details with the rest of your loved ones.

Write Their Story. As final as it may seem, writing an obituary for a loved one before he or she passes away, can be cathartic and helpful. Gather the phone numbers and email addresses of the newspaper(s) which you will submit these obituaries.

Notify the Funeral Service. Whether your loved one's final days are spent in a hospital, hospice center or in the comfort of your own home, you will want to make arrangements with the appropriate funeral service. Have them walk you through their process of what to do when the final moment occurs - it's scary to hear, but knowing will help you be prepared when the time comes.

The Recently Deceased

After the terrible moment, when your loved one passes from this world. You will obviously want some private time with your family. Shortly thereafter, there are some practical next steps that someone in the family will need to take care of, and you may want to designate who that person is beforehand. However, if you've prepared yourself and your family beforehand, going through these next steps will be much easier.

• Funeral Service - Notify the funeral service that they should come to your home (or arrange with the hospital, whatever the case may be). Take time to say final goodbyes should you need to. No one should rush you.

• Make Some Calls - Start the phone tree that you put together and start notifying family, friends and neighbors. If you have an idea of where and when the service will likely be, you may want to start to let people know so they can make travel plans accordingly.

• Notify the Papers - Contact the local paper to place a death notice and obituary.

• Schedule the Service - Let your church, temple, synagogue or other venue know that the death has occurred, and confirm the date and time of the service.

• Death Certificates - The funeral service can typically help you get a death certificate for your loved one. It is best to get additional certified copies (for an extra fee) as you will need several official ones to close up accounts and the like.

• Take Some Time to Yourself. Grieving is an important part of the process to deal with the death of a loved one. Know that you are not alone, and there are many people who have dealt with death before you. Certainly lean on them, join a support group, and share your emotions, but take time for yourself as well.