How to Prepare for Divorce

How to choose a divorce lawyer? The best way to identify the right lawyer for you is to ask friends and relatives if they can recommend a good lawyer with a lot of experience in divorce law. Try and get two or three names. If you can't locate any good referrals, go to the library and get the Martindale Hubbel Legal Directory. Every large library has it, and it lists lawyers by region and specialty.

To narrow down the list of lawyers in your area who work in divorce law, call the offices and ask for the hourly rate. The range varies greatly in different areas of the country (i.e., California lawyers typically charge more than Wisconsin lawyers). Generally expect the range to be between $100 to $3000 per hour. (There are some attorneys who will give a low-cost, fixed-rate divorce for marriages with few assets and no minor children.) Be realistic. If you have many valuable assets to divide and/or conflicted child-custody issues, you may need to pay more toward the high end to get a lawyer with the experience and knowledge to adequately handle your situation.

Make appointments with at least two lawyers and expect to pay the hourly rate for this initial interview. It is worth paying for an interview meeting to ensure that you find an attorney who you can trust and feel comfortable with. Normally, as you are deciding if this attorney is right for you, the attorney is deciding if your case is right for him or her. (So, even if, after this first meeting, you have decided this particular lawyer isn't right for you, expect to get a bill in the mail. If the attorney decides not to accept your case, they may not charge you for this time, but make sure you clarify this arrangement before you walk through the door.)

When you decide on an attorney, be prepared to pay a retainer or engagement fee. This can either be money paid in advance for future time spent and work done on your case, and your bills will reflect subtractions from this amount, or it may be simply a one-time fee in exchange for a guarantee that the attorney will represent you. In the latter case, you will have to pay additionally for every hour the attorney spends working on your case.

As you can see, this process will most likely be very costly. Make sure not to waste a single minute of time spent with your attorney.

Most importantly, do not walk into a divorce attorney's office without having compiled the following:

1.Write an accurate list and gather all documents substantiating all of the assets and personal property belonging to the parties of the marriage: Bank accounts, stocks and bonds, retirement accounts, IRAs, CDs, etc., real property and personal property--i.e., homes, rental properties, cars, valuable jewelry, artwork and collectibles, RVs, trusts, furniture, photo albums, children's artwork, etc. Include anything and everything that is valuable and/or is desirable to one or both parties.

[DO NOT HIDE, SELL, CONCEAL OR OTHERWISE TRY TO MOVE OR LIQUIDATE ANY OF THESE THINGS! TO DO SO IS ILLEGAL AND WILL MOST LIKELY COME BACK TO HAUNT YOU IN THE COURTROOM.]

2. Make two lists of all of the assets and personal and real property brought to the marriage by each party. Basically these are things one party or the other owned prior to the marriage and will not expect to have to split. There is no guarantee that you will walk out of a marriage with what you walked in with, but it is often worth attempting. (This can get dicey depending on the situation: length of marriage, type of asset, and state this marriage took place in, the debts the marital estate holds, etc.)

3. A somewhat reasonable wish list of what you would like to have when all is said and done, and the divorce is complete.

4. A list of the bare minimum you are willing to walk out of the marriage with. This list may need to be adjusted before the divorce is complete. Some people are not aware of the debts their partners have secretly incurred which are the responsibility of the marital estate; and also, depending upon how conflicted the divorce becomes, the value of the estate may be effected by the divorce-attorney fees.

5. A reasonable, monthly, family budget. What does the family spend per month to maintain itself.

6. If there are children, describe what your ideal situation is for them. Will custody be shared, or who will have it? What is a reasonable holiday schedule for parenting time? Will the non-custodial parent have weekends and some weekday meals? Consider what will be best for the children in your estimation. This is generally the priority of the court in cases with minor children.

One of the most important things to remember: you will be charged for every minute you are at the attorney's office. Do not rely on the attorney for emotional support. This is tempting because you will be talking to them about very personal information during a very difficult time. Go to a therapist, support group or psychiatrist for the emotional difficulties that come along with divorce. Attorneys are generally more expensive than mental health professionals and are not trained to provide support or insight; however, many attorneys feel that it is your time, you are paying for it, and they will not necessarily stop you from trying to work out your feelings. This is a huge waste of money.

Try to be as compromising as possible during this process. It is said that at the completion of a divorce, if both parties feel cheated, it was probably fair.