How to Prevent Your Child from Being Bullied

Pretty much everyone has been affected by bullying to some degree in their lives, whether they were the bully, the victim or the silent bystander. Some people brush bullying off as a normal childhood thing that kids just need to learn to deal with. Other common themes about bullying include: encouraging kids to solve their own problems (which is a good character building practice, for the most part) even when bullying is the problem; encouraging kids to get back at the bully by using the same bullying tactics to the bully; that people who "make a big deal" about bullying are just coddling kids and fostering a generation of dependent, weak children; and so on.

Sure, kids tease one another. If it were to stop at simply one kid committing one occurrence of teasing, then there wouldn't be long lasting harm. However, that is seldom how it turns out. Bullies tend to torment a victim in front of others. The other kids will either ignore the bully's actions or agree that the victim deserved what he got, lest they too incur the wrath of the bully.

Kids can get into a mob-type mentality, where one kid starts the harassing and others join in until it seems perfectly normal and acceptable to pick on the victim. This makes it more difficult for other kids to stand up to the bully or speak out about the problem to an adult.

As parents, we can easily write off the signs of our child being bullied as being a kid. Kids often complain about school because they don't want to do the work or they want to avoid a test or project they've been dreading. They might get moody, especially as they enter puberty. They may seem withdrawn or secretive because they are becoming independent and don't want parents getting into their business and belongings. While there are certainly incidents when these behaviors are just normal parts of a phase a child may be going through, they may also be a sign that a child is being bullied.

Many child behavior and safety experts say that the best thing a parent can do, in regards to bullying, is to prevent. Here are some ways that parents can be proactive and prevent bullying:

Talk to your child about their feelings and how their day went often. Don't wait until you think they are upset about something. By building an open relationship your child will feel comfortable telling you about things that happen to them, including experiencing or witnessing others experience bullying.

Get involved with your child's school. Even if you don't have the time to join the PTO, you can still attend parent-teacher conferences, attend school meetings and hearings and volunteer to help out with school activities (field trips, carnivals, book fairs, etc.).

Foster self confidence and self esteem in your child. Be a positive role model and avoid criticizing yourself in front of your child. For instance, if you complain about being fat or hating how you look, your child will think these are okay assessments to make of themselves and others. They may also feel that if you don't respect and care about yourself that you may not care about them either.

Teach your children about bullies and bullying. Explain to them that these types of behaviors are not acceptable. Teach them to let an adult know if they witness bullying and the circumstances of the event (verbal, physical, specific details, etc.).

Don't allow your child to make disparaging or prejudiced remarks about other people. Words commonly used in a derogatory fashion by kids can include: using the words "gay" or "retard' to put someone or something down (ex. "That movie was so gay."- meaning that the movie sucked or wasn't any good or "That's so retarded."- meaning that something is dumb or stupid); using racial slurs or stereotypes; making jokes about gender or about sexuality; referring to someone as ugly, dumb, stupid, etc. While this may seem to be too politically correct for some, the actual intent is to teach the child to respect others and not make judgments based on ill-conceived stereotypes.

By giving your child a strong sense of right and wrong, fostering healthy self-esteem and making them feel comfortable confiding in you, you are greatly reducing the chance that your child will participate in bullying or passively accept the bullying of others.

A Guide to Bullying Prevention, http://www.mass.gov/Eeohhs2/docs/dph/com_health/violence/bullying_prevent_guide.pdf

Bullying: What Parents Can Do About It, http://pubs.cas.psu.edu/freepubs/pdfs/ui368.pdf

Nine Things Every Parent Can Do to Prevent Bullying, http://www.tonic.com/article/nine-things-every-parent-can-do-to-prevent-bullying/