How to Prevent Relationship Breakdown

Intimate relationships breakdown every day and the divorce rate in the USA is skyrocketing. One in two married couples will be divorced within five years of marrying, and second marriages do not fare much better. Often by the time a couple reaches a Counselor the relationship has broken down to the point of no return. The four most important reasons why relationships break down are as follows:

Miscommunication or lack of it:

Keeping the lines of communication open is crucial to any serious relationship. Lover's need to be able to communicate their needs to each other in an open, safe and loving environment. With our fast paced world of instant emails, text messages, and faxes we often begin to communicate on an intimate level, the way we would in the business world.

No two people, no matter how much in love they are think exactly the same way. There is an old saying, 'You will never really know what I mean, just as I will never really know what you mean!' When we take it for granted that our partner will always understand what we say, and expecting someone to always fully understand what we mean, can lead to serious breakdown in communication. It takes time effort and energy, for couples to learn each others communication style.

Unrealistic Expectations:

The wedding business is a multi billion dollar business, and sadly many of us still buy into the fairy tale that once we are married everything will be perfect. Communication will be perfect, and we will always have the same needs and goals, etc. etc. The simple reality is that two separate people will never have exactly the same wants and needs, and a couple must have a clear realistic goal plan for their lives before marrying.

Marriage is in fact a partnership, with each partner playing a clearly defined role. Expectations of what roles should be should have been discussed and determined long before the wedding. For example, if you expect to be a stay home mom with two children while your husband is the sole bread winner, but he's expecting a Career wife who will only have one child, it's going to be a very bumpy ride.

Excess Baggage:

No one enters into serious relationships without some form of baggage. Past breakups that have caused us severe emotional distress and have involved some element of abuse often take years to recover from, and too frequently they are carried through to new relationships.

While good relationships allow lovers to share bad experiences, you should never use your partner as a substitute therapist. Issues such as emotional abuse, excessive clinginess or neediness should be dealt with, before beginning a new relationship. When unresolved issues are carried into new relationships, a continuous shadow is cast over the relationship. Leave past hang ups in the past.

Guilt:

No relationship is perfect and problems will arise, dealing with them effectively builds a strong solid ground for any couple, but when guilt is introduced it can destroy a relationship.

When the language of 'Could have', 'Should Have', 'Would have if I'd only known', creeps into a couple's life, they are treading on thin ice. Every person within a relationship makes a mistake, opportunities are missed or delayed, and wrong choices made. Learning to forgive each other is paramount, learning to say, 'I'm sorry' and sincerely mean it is even more important. Continuously referring to partners past mistakes leads to huge amounts of guilt and can wreck a relationship.