How to Have a Proper Festivus Party

Festivus, that holiday for the rest of us, originated on an episode of Seinfeld 1997. Sadly, Seinfeld is no more, but the tradition of celebrating Festivus lives on, in our hearts, and in celebrations across the country. Here are some tips on planning your fete.

THE DATE

Traditionally, Festivus is held on December 23. However, that is awfully close to Christmas and could be difficult for people to make. Don't worry about having it on the "official" date. After all, that was just for a TV show! Plan your party for any day in December, or hold it in April. Who cares??

THE POLE

A Festivus party is not complete without a Festivus pole. Make sure you have one. The pole can be any size, from an industrial light post to a small nail in a flowerpot. Be creative. Just be sure not to decorate your pole, since in the words of George Costanza's father, "Tinsel is too distracting."

THE AIRING OF GRIEVANCES

Festivus is the time of year to tell friends and family about how they disappointed you in the year or year's past. Who doesn't like complaining about people? Just remember to keep it friendly. Festivus is probably not the time or place to announce to a friend's wife that he's having an affair. That may be better done in private. But be sure to tell the group that your friend's habit of wearing only plaid is repugnant or they took the last cookie when you said you wanted it. If you like, you can put everyone's grievances in a hat and read them out anonymously. This seems to work best in my experience.

THE FEATS OF STRENGTH

Traditionally, the feats of strength are held at the end of the festivities, and the party concludes when the head of the household is pinned. However, in order to protect our house and furniture from damage, we settle the score with a bout of thumb wrestling or Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots. My boyfriend had the idea of making people stand in freezing water to see who truly had "feet of strength." You're welcome to steal this one.

THE FOOD

Festivus is a time of feast, and of course that means lots of food. It doesn't have to be the traditional turkey or meatloaf though. Again, be creative. One suggestion that is often made is turducken. But try that at your own risk. Alcohol can also be a welcome addition to the fun. It is not necessary though, just welcome.

THE GIFTS

Although this is not an officially sanctioned part of Festivus, we top our party off with a crappy gift exchange. This is where you get to regift the horrible gifts of year's past, and make out with some new horrible thing to regift in the future. Suggestions include old shoes, Clay Aiken CDs, and of course fruit cake.

To learn more about Festivus traditions old and new, be sure to check out the Festivus Book, which was published last year. Have fun!