How to Protect Yourself from a Blood-sucking Vampire

Vampires have become a much loved creature nowadays. The problem with that is they are still dangerous and want to suck your blood. Drain it from your entire body so that you are dead. How anyone can love someone who wants to kill them is beyond understanding. It does not matter how hot or beautiful they are. They are still dangerous and you must protect yourself.

Only gay men sparkle

One of a vampire's greatest, and deadliest, traits is their ability to draw a human to them. Vampires are usually beautiful beings with an intensity that just makes men and women swoon. Vampires glow with charm and sexuality, literally making a man or woman weak in the knees. Vampires have this trait because, essentially, they are lazy. Why do the work to get a snack when the snack will come to you, drooling and practically begging to have their blood sucked from their neck. Because they think it is sexy.

If you know what is best for you, and that would be staying alive, then you will do what you must to protect yourself from this. The best way to protect yourself from this trait of a vampire is to only date nerds. Not only will you know that your lover is not a vampire, but chances are that nerd will know what to do to protect you during a zombie invasion.

When on a date with a vampire, order the garlic chicken

If you ignored the earlier advice and decided to accept a date with a beautiful, intense person and you find out during the appetizers that they are a vampire(duh), then your best protection is the food on your plate. Vampires hate garlic breath more than anyone else. That is probably because of their heightened senses. If you eat a food with garlic during the date, you know you will be safe if the vampire tries to "kiss" you. That is, until the smell wears off.

For safety purposes, it might be a good idea to carry a few cloves of garlic in your pocket or purse wherever you go at night. You never know when a vampire might swoop in to sweep you off your feet. The garlic will work like mace and send the vampires running. Just ignore the funny looks and all the people and dogs sniffing you. Staying alive is more important than making friends.

Speak softly and carry a big stick

Despite what history says, Roosevelt was talking about vampires when he gave this quote. He obviously did not want anyone to know that he knew vampires really existed, but he wanted to help those who found themselves among the vampires. It is a hidden secret guide to destroying the vampire.

One of the ways to kill a vampire is to stab them in the heart with a sharp wooden stake. That is the "big stick" Roosevelt was talking about. If you find yourself in front of a vampire, here is what you do, according to Roosevelt: Speak softly to the vampire. Speak words of seduction. Basically, use the vampire's game against them. The vampire will think you are really weak and stupid, just like all the people who swoon over the lover who wants to kill them. Vampires must love Stephenie Meyer for helping them out. Anyway, when the vampire comes closer to kill you, stab them in the heart with your big stick. The stake you already had with you and always keep with you for these moments.

Eat lots of garlic, carry a big stick, and keep a nerd on your arm and you will always be safe from vampires.