How to Protect Yourself from a Hairy Werewolf

There are many really hairy men out there in the world, but most of them are completely harmless. However, every now and then, a werewolf might be prowling and these are the type of creatures you do not want to take home with you. Man or woman, a werewolf will likely try to rip you to shreds, and you need to know what to do to protect yourself from the hairy beast. And I do not mean your big brother.

How to tell if you are dealing with a werewolf

As mentioned above, just because a man is hairy does not mean he is a werewolf. There are a number of things to look for to help you find out if the man stalking you is a werewolf or not. According to Warren Zevon, writer of The Werewolves of London, a werewolf likes Chinese food, especially the beef lo mein. They also love pina colada's. The biggest trait that will stand out the most is that a werewolf will have perfect hair. They tend to mutilate little old ladies, too.

So, if you are old and some hairy guy with a perfect quaff flirts with you and offers to share his lo mein and his pina colada...you have a werewolf problem to deal with.

Change the werewolf back to a man

Yes, it is often said that you cannot change a man. However, if the man is trying to rip you to shreds it is not going to hurt to try. No, the pain will come if you do nothing. Physical abuse is rampant and every woman(or man!) should carry one important thing with them to always feel safe: Wolfsbane.

Wolfsbane is a highly poisonous plant that will automatically change a werewolf back to his normal form. However, the downside to wolfsbane is that it is very dangerous to grow. The plant itself will cause rashes when touched, and if the sap gets into a cut, you are in trouble. Swallowing just a piece of it will kill you. But, despite that, if you plant some outside your house you will not have to worry about a werewolf stopping by to try and sell you something.

Please remember, that even if you change the werewolf back to his normal form that does not mean he will stay that way. Come the next full moon, he will be a werewolf again.

Time to get out the good silver

Sometimes it takes extreme measures to protect yourself and your loved ones. When a werewolf just will not stop and you are in fear for your life, then it is time to pull out the forks! As long as it is made of silver.

Silver will kill a werewolf. A silver bullet to be exact, but anything silver will harm a werewolf. Sometimes it pays off to wear tons of jewelry or to have kept that silverware set of your grandmothers. Self-defense makes it perfectly legal to murder, so keep that in mind when a werewolf attacks and the wolfsbane does not work.

Avoid the werewolf altogether

If you grow wolfsbane outside your home then you will not have to worry about a werewolf showing up there. Also, do not go outside during a full moon. Either have alone time on the couch in front of the TV, or throw a party and invite your friends. When out at the bars and clubs, avoid the hairer men with lo mein and pina coladas. Carry a silver fork with you, too.

Just follow these few simple tips and you will have no fear of being attacked by a werewolf.
Sources:

Wolfsbane Seeds for the Witch's Garden from Alchemy Works