How to Provide Care for Homebound Seniors

Providing care for homebound seniors can come in many forms. Many seniors are limited by health reasons from being able to do many simple tasks that were once easy. And many seniors are simply too proud to come right out and ask for the very help that they need most.
With God's permission, we will ALL get older. Our lives as we know them now will continually change with each year that passes. Our mental and physical abilities will gradually lessen and all of the sudden we may not even recognize the image staring back at us in the mirror. We may even find ourselves fearful or depressed at the thought of what is yet to come.

While we are young and vibrant, it is oftentimes difficult to imagine there will ever be a time when we really need someone's help just to make it through another day. We may end up having to depend on someone's kindness and their physical abilities rather than our own. We could end up losing our spouse and then remain living alone in the home we shared with them - one that has been a great source of pride and accomplishment for as long as we can remember. We might end up feeling overwhelmed with now having to do everything on our own or our physical condition might make doing most of it impossible.

Loneliness and depression can easily overcome our days, then, as the world continues to race along. We may be forced to realize that we are no longer able to care for ourselves effectively.

In my present dealings with my own dear mother, I am learning the vast array of emotions that walk hand in hand with aging. The twilight of our lives can be a very lonesome, painful, fearful and emotionally frightening time: especially if we are alone - and even more so if we have accompanying medical issues.

Here are some suggestions on how to befriend, comfort and truly help an elderly senior who lives alone. It could be a family member, a total stranger that you've 'adopted' or a dear neighbor that needs your assistance. As we reach out to them with kindness, compassion, understanding and love, we will be greatly rewarded by the smiles and gratitude they will surely give us in return!

What you'll need:

Time each day, or as needed

Compassion

Empathy

Love in your heart

Patience

A nurturing attitude

Get to Know the Senior
If the person you are thinking of as you read this article, happens to be a family member (such as an aging parent) the 'getting to know you' part has already been done. You have shared your lives with each other and hopefully have accumulated lots of precious memories that can be reminisced. If it happens to be a neighbor or someone you have 'adopted,' spending time with them regularly will create a bond and friendship that will only strengthen with time. Sharing stories and pictures will aid you in getting to know their innermost thoughts and fears as well as the things that have given them happiness in their lives. It is not uncommon to find out many surprising things about them as you just talk and be with them. Remember, they were young once, too, and have had a myriad of experiences, both good and bad, that have made them who they are today.

Assess the Senior's Needs
Daily living consists of lots of individual tasks and chores. Is your special senior having trouble getting to doctor appointments? Does he/she need groceries or help with house cleaning chores? While you are with them in their living environment, look around and take notice of everything. Has the garbage been taken out? Does the refrigerator need cleaning out? Are the bathrooms clean? Is the vacuum too cumbersome for them to haul around anymore? Continuing to talk to your senior, during this evaluation stage will help you understand what is important to them. Your critical eye will direct you as to what NEEDS to be done for them.

Treat the Senior with Respect
Many seniors are too proud to come right out and ASK for help of any kind. They may have been totally self sufficient in the past and now that they are no longer to do many of the things that used to come easily, they remain silent and become depressed, down on themselves or withdrawn. This is a setup for major depression. Offer your help outwardly, but never in a condescending way. Treat your senior with respect and allow them their dignity. Anything you do to help will be GREATLY appreciated and help them feel a little more in control. After all, we all like to have all our 'ducks in a row.'

Set up a Schedule that works for both of you
Sitting down with your special senior and making a 'help schedule' works in good ways for BOTH of you. He/she will be better able to respect your time constraints and the demands of YOUR OWN LIFE if they know when you are coming back next. That simple knowledge gives them something to look forward to, as well! Be sure not to take on more than you are able. You want your time with them to be a pleasant time, not a rushed and tense time. Quality beats quantity!

Allow them their dignity
Everyone is deserving of their dignity, no matter what the occasion. Your senior is no exception. Treating them like a child by reprimanding them in any way is hurtful and harmful. Until you've walked a mile in their shoes, you have no idea what they are feeling like to be unable to accomplish the things they used to. Let's say you visit your senior and notice that there has been a bathroom accident or maybe a spill in the kitchen that hasn't been cleaned up. No need to scold them or make a big issue of it. Keep things light and just clean it up for them. If they had been able, they would have surely done it themselves. By not making a big deal out of times like these, you will be allowing your senior to keep their dignity. Sometimes this can be difficult for you, but how you handle yourself and the words you choose to say in these times is crucial to a continued and successful relationship with them. Be kind and let your actions speak for what is in your heart. You are there to offer your HELP.

Tap into their 'simple pleasures'
As you get more involved with your special senior, you will be let into their world. They will surely relate stories to you of things that meant a lot to them in days past. Maybe it is that he/she was an avid gardener 'back in the day' and always adored beautiful flowers in their home and yard. This is a clue for you to act on! A bouquet of fresh flowers or a nice houseplant might bring a smile to their face as well as give them something easy to care for in your absence. Maybe he/she used to be a wonderful cook in the past! In this case, maybe you could bring (or make) them one of their favorite dishes! Or maybe it is that your senior is upset because they can no longer clean and polish that special tea set they have in their curio! This knowledge could set the stage for a nice, leisurely afternoon together sitting at the kitchen table (or out on the porch) while you give that honored tea set a good shine!

Practice Integrity by keeping your promises
By always staying true to your spoken word, you will be showing your special senior that you have integrity. What you say is what you DO. This little feat in itself will nurture a healthy and honest relationship with them. They will grow to trust you.....and what you say. Never promise more than you are truly able to give. Not being able to fulfill a promise you've made to them will ultimately only serve to make you BOTH feel bad. If you happen to be having a bad day when you are visiting/helping your senior, TELL THEM. They may even have some kind words and compassion for YOU. And it will give them a special feeling knowing that you have shared with them.

Be Consistent and Available
No matter what, it is very important that you are consistent with your efforts. Keep in mind that each set of 24 hours is MUCH LONGER for a homebound senior than it is for you. Your life is full of diversion, people and activities. They don't have that. They have YOU! If you even receive phone calls from your senior, take them. It is assuring to them that you are there to listen to them and calm their fears. Most times they only want to hear your voice!

Plan an occasional outting
Being that your senior is homebound, an occasional outing would be very welcomed by them most of the time. Even if they use a wheelchair, a nice leisurely walk around the neighborhood or a stroll through the park will be a much-needed change of scenery for them. Even something as simple as sitting and conversing on the porch will be an exciting change for them. Lots of times, they are fearful of doing these simple things alone. Fresh air, sunshine and doing something different will offer them a host of positive stimuli! The added bonus for them is that you are doing it together.

Share the care-giving role with a sibling or friend
If you find yourself feeling totally overwhelmed, don't beat yourself up over it. We are only human and life can get demanding at times for all of us. Rather than begrudge your senior, ask for some help from a sibling or friend. Be sure to be considerate of your special senior's feelings though. Inform them of your change of plans in advance and share what is going on in your life with them. They will understand. Just assure them that you'll be back on your next scheduled time. Care-giving can become very tiring after awhile, depending on the needs of your senior. Just remember that in order to be of any good to them, you need to take care of YOURSELF too. YOU are important in this relationship, too!

Additional Thoughts:

God Bless You for your efforts!

What goes around comes around so give freely of yourself and relish in the good feelings you will be giving yourself for opening up your eyes and heart to the needs of someone else!

Warnings:

Do NOT interfere with your senior's medical care. That is what doctors are for. Remember that if you are not qualified, you should not be making medical decisions for them under any circumstance

If, after your initial evaluation, you find that your senior needs way more than you are able to offer them to live alone, get help. There are many wonderful community programs geared towards senior living assistance.