How to Provide Your Teens With Advice That Will Stick

So your 13 year old has just sat you down and is requesting assistance with acquiring birth control/drug abuse counseling/adoption services/a fake id and your immediate response is rage/panic/profuse weeping/passing out/packing their bags and shipping the young one to boot camp. This is going to be a rough day.

Ok maybe it's not quite that bad. Maybe all the little tike wants is advice about dating or to inform you they have been suspended for cheating on a test. How you react will determine how they will recover. Think about it. You are the guiding force, the prevailing wind, the final authority in their young impressionable lives. Don't underestimate your influence. You may have no idea what a bff is but you do know how to be a teenager and how to graduate into adultness. Well somewhat anyway.

There are a few key things to remember when having that not so friendly talk with your child(ren) about life and all its many intricacies. Here they are in no particular order.

1. Calm yourself. Do not think that screaming, yelling, or any otherwise infantile behavior will allow your child to hear you better. Instead they will tune you out and retreat to a place of emotional safety. This will mean that the lines of communication are now closed and you just may as well go to bed.

2. Don't think you know what Little Susie is going to say before she's had the chance to say it. You do not know. You can not read minds and in many cases things are not as bad as you are imagining them to be. Children learn by example. Give respect if you expect to receive it.

3. If nothing else, listen. Do not interrupt. Do not roll your eyes. Do not start crying. These are not helpful behaviors and at this moment in your child's life you need to be the most helpful being in the universe. Besides how can you realistically expect to be of any help if you don't know what is really going on?

4. Lastly, do not jump to conclusions, start barking out orders or demands or otherwise make things worse. Be appreciative that your child trusted you enough to come to you at all. You are not the only option. There are myriads of other choices but he/she chose you. That says a lot. Your child trusts you to help them navigate through the craziness of adolescence. Do not take that lightly. Treasure it and you will have many more years of parenting to look forward to.

The truth is being a parent is more than just a 21 year project. It's one of those life long ones like marriage and being an adult. It may get easier in some ways as they need you less. But they will always need you and that is truly a privilege to have. Think about it this way, when the day arrives and it will when you are too old to care for yourself/have had your license revoked because of frequent run-ins with street signs/to find your way home/to bathe yourself, you are going to want your children there to take care of you and to not put you in one of those homes that becomes a part of a special series on 20/20 about elder abuse. Trust me on that one. And if all else fails call your mom and ask her. She'll know exactly what to do.