How to Pursue a Woman
Playing Hard to Get vs Not Wanting to Get Got
Finding a woman that you would be interested in pursuing is a bit like finding employment. There may be plenty that you like, but not plenty that you'll actually get. Many men who try to pursue a woman get stuck (involuntarily) in the friend zone or trying to figure out the hard-to-get zone. The complexity of the hard-to-get zone is that many men do not know whether a woman is playing hard to get and really likes you or if she doesn't want to get got. In the following article, I will give you 10 lessons to figure out whether the woman you are chasing is in one of the two zones.
#1 If you two make eye contact, and she turns her head without smiling or immediately turns to talk to her friend who then falls over in laughter, she probably doesn't want to get got. If her friend giggles and looks at you with curiosity, there may be a chance that she wants to get got.
#2 If you comment on her looks and she avoids complimenting you on yours, she doesn't want to get got.
#3 If she walks away from you first on the dance floor, she doesn't want to get got unless she's going to get a drink. Then there's the possibility.
#4 If you call her and she's not available, let her call you back. If you're hardheaded and call her again and she's busy, she doesn't want to get got. No woman will pass up two opportunities to talk to a man she likes unless something serious is going on.
#5 If she will not introduce you to her friends, she doesn't want to get got. Women tend to talk to their friends about their new "beau" the first chance they get and introducing him usually plays into the picture.
#6 If you're flirting with her, and she's keeping the conversation polite or friendly, this is borderline don't want to get got. She may be trying to figure out your intentions or she might be trying to lay the hint that she doesn't want you. I'd suggest making a blatant flirting attempt. If she sideswipes you on it, she doesn't want to get got.
#7 If she's carrying on a conversation more with your friend more than you, chances are she doesn't want to get got anymore. (True story: This guy I was initially interested in brought his friend out to meet me with him, just to make sure I wasn't crazy, but I found out that I had more in common with his friend than him. It got to the point that I was solely talking to his friend and my date might as well have been invisible. Both of them knew it. His friend asked my date for my number when I wasn't around, and he and I ended up planning a date of our own with no one else invited.)
#8 If you make up a corny joke and she looks at you like "That was corny. Shut up!," she absolutely does not want to get got. Women are notorious for laughing at stupid, corny jokes that men they like make. They do it to show interest and after they've known you awhile and make sure you know they like you, then that's when we'll tell you that your jokes are corny and to shut up. If she's looking at you like that initially, she's not feeling you.
#9 If you buy a woman a drink at the bar and she does not come to you, she doesn't want to get got. I'm really hoping that most women have manners. I would never let a man buy me a drink without approaching him to say "Thank you." But, if I stay to chat, then I want to "get got." If I say thank you and then find a reason to walk away, I don't want to get got. This one is tricky because some women want you to come to them even after you bought the drink, but I think those women are lazy. He bought her the drink. The least she could do is show her appreciation.
#10 If she won't give you her number but she will take yours, this is borderline don't want to get got. I take guys' numbers so I can call them on my terms, plus I've learned in the past that guys act like any time on the clock is a good time to call. But I don't take numbers that I won't use. If she does that, please don't try to coax her into giving you her number. She may be trying to be polite so she doesn't hurt your pride. If she doesn't call, she doesn't want to get got so don't ask her about it the next time you see her. Chalk her up as a game player and then call it a day. Sometimes that works to your advantage. Women are also notorious for liking the guy who seems oblivious to them.
Warning: These are just my opinions. Some women will completely disagree, but for the most part, I believe this is accurate.
Published by Shamontiel
Shamontiel is the author of Round Trip and Change for a Twenty, and in mid-October became the Chicago Tribune s Digital News Editor. She works on National Travel, Health and occasionally Breaking News, and w... View profile
- How to Be a DevilAn in depth look to how one becomes like Satan and what tricks he uses on the human mind.
- Men Love to Pursue Their WomenThe first installment of a series of responses to women's questions about why their men behave the way they do. In the spirit of Dear Abby, I give you "Mike says"
- Motherhood: How to Retain Your IdentitySometimes we get divided over having a career and having a families or find conflict between the different jobs that we try to do. Making the question "Who am I?" even harder to answer.
- How to Sell on EbayEverything a beginner needs to know to start selling items on Ebay and maximizing profits.
- 5 Biggest Mistakes Women Make with Men How to Avoid Them5 Overlooked but simply things women can do now to avoid some of the heartaches and headaches when dealing with men.
- Returning to College: A Woman's Guide
- How to Pick Up Women - For Men Only
- How to Pick Up Women in 11 Easy Steps
- How to Stay Married
- How to Teach English to a Non-English Speaker
- Screenwriting 101: How to Write a Movie Scene Containing an Unexpected Visitor
- Guide on How to Survive Your Husband's Retirement
- Many men who try to pursue a woman get stuck in the Friend Zone.
- If she will not introduce you to her friends, she doesn't want to get got.
- Women are notorious for laughing at stupid, corny jokes that men they like make.
20 Comments
Post a CommentThanks for checking it out, Anthony. Feel free to tell me what you agree and disagree on.
Good article. Much thanks Shamontiel.
Steven, your message is cut off (AC has a word count limit that I wish they'd put on their site), but from what I've read, it sounds like you need to leave this woman alone. If she's dating you while she has a man, chances are she'll do the same thing if you two were in a relationship. Why she's letting you know where she works is beyond me. I'd say fall back and let her come to you. I know that's easier said than done, but do you really want to be involved with a woman who is cheating on her own man and make her your woman?
Hi,
I liked you article very much. I've got some few questions which really disturbs me and hurt me very well. Few weeks ago(probably two month now) i dated a woman online. we got along for sometime until when i decide to tell her that we should now meet physically and come to know each other very well. I arranged for a date and after some few days we become lovers and i get to lay her down. But she told me that she still have a man who she is with him because she hasnt found any other to replace him. I loved that girl very much to the point that i found myself telling her that i want to mary her. She answered nothing but what she told me is, "not so easy, not now."
I started to investigate her to know more about her, she has friends but she has never introduced me to any of her friends. I used to go where she works but whenever i met her there, she even don want to show the sign of lover-relationship we have. It doesnt sound cool to know that for the whole period i have been with he
L.A., congratulations on getting married. As for the persistence with phone numbers, I simply won't go for it. If I want something, I'll ask, and when people start bugging me about it, I'll walk away. However, I'd much rather take a man's phone number than him taking mine. I've been called at 2 am up to 8 am, and there's absolutely no reason somebody should call me after midnight unless he and I have a comfortable relationship. Whenever a guy calls me super early or super late, his number gets deleted and he is forever ignored.
enjoyed the article - as a woman I can say I felt it was pretty accurate ;) I like that you mentioned the phone numbers thing because back when I was in the dating game (recently married now so those days are gone!) some men would press me more than once to take their number. I would always decline if not interested but sometimes they were SO persistent I would just take it to make them go away but I wouldn't give them mine. So I think you were on point about the whole taking of numbers thing...
Steve, I sit beside people all the time, and I'm not trying to be in a relationship with them all. As for her smiling at you about the two breaking up, she could think that you're happy that she finally pulled herself from the drama of that relationship. I've been in terrible relationships where people will tell me "Yeah, I'm glad you left him alone" or "His loss." I don't necessarily want to be with everyone who says that. You said they broke up for two weeks and then two months. Either way, there is no time clock on when a person gets over a relationship. She'll do it in her own time. Trust me, you do NOT want to be the rebound guy. Those relationships never work out because the person is comparing you to her ex the entire time.
every one stays at my house its like a party house an and when we talked that night she was broken up with him for like 2 weeks and she was talking about how stupid he was an when i told her i like her they had been broken up for 2 month's .... also why did she stair at me for so long smiling at me saying nothing an why sit on the floor right beside me when there's 4 more seat's in my living room
And by the way, Steve, for you to say goodbye to her forever after she just broke up with some guy is like picking a fresh wound. She hasn't even healed from the last one, which she obviously cared about if she went from talking to your brother to you, so jumping in another situation wouldn't be smart on her part. I understand why she fell back. She must consider you a friend AND TRUSTWORTHY if she felt comfortable staying at your house that late at night. Give her time. Be her friend. Let HER notice YOU.
Dammit, I wish AC would send notifications from outside users so I knew when they commented on an article. Will you do me a favor and send me a message when you comment because I get alerts for that? Anyway, Steve, this is a pretty awkward situation. I understand that you had feelings for her, but why would you tell her that in the middle of a breakup? That's when a woman is on the rebound and NOBODY wants to be the rebound guy. Usually the person who just broke up is looking for someone else to lean on and take the place of his/her ex. I'd have given her some time to be single and see if she STAYED single. If she sat there talking to you about her boyfriend for almost 7 hours, I don't think you should pursue her. It's more than obvious she's not over him. I know you have feelings too and you wanted to let her know how you felt, but your timing on this one is too touchy right now.