How to Put the Spark Back into Your Relationship

Marriage is a lot of work in and of itself. However, marriage, post children, is even more work. I believe that is when the foundation of one's relationship is truly tested. Many of us can recall a time when you were able to prioritize better and manage your time well. However, after starting a family I am sure it became more of a balancing act to just stay on top of the littlest thing. It is very clear why that happens, nevertheless, no one is ever truly prepared for the kind of changes that takes place post baby or after starting a family. Suddenly, the new baby arrives into this world on his or her own time and it continues that way indefinitely. Before you know it, you have a new boss in the house and all the focus and attention is on this new member of the family. Eventually, one comes to realize that it's almost mandatory to prioritize your time well. Now, the question is, "How does one accomplish that?"

As we all know, it is easy to lose interest in one's physical appearance after having a baby. There is very little or no time to style one's hair and the new look becomes the exhausted-no-time-for-yourself mommy look. Therefore, this is a great place to begin making changes. Focus on making yourself beautiful not only for yourself, but also for your husband once again. Even if it means getting up 5 minutes earlier than the baby; do so. Extract that time out of your day if you have to. Take the time to shower and style your hair at the top of the day. Another option is to cut the hair into a 'DO' that is more manageable and requires little or no time to style.

If you have become comfortable wearing maternity clothes months after giving birth; don't. If you see more children in your further, then it's a good idea to store your maternity clothes. Otherwise, give them away or donate them to Goodwill. Then take time out to go shopping with a friend or another mom so that you can get a second opinion if need be. Purchase new clothing and lingerie for your new body size. Learn how to dress it up in clothing that is complimentary and forgiving of those new problem areas.

A great plan is to recruit your spouse on the weekends or whenever you are both at home together, and spend some time making dinner for the upcoming week. Therefore, there is more free time to do other things during the weekdays and dinner becomes almost effortless.

Take at least a half hour out of your time at least 3 days weekly to work out. It's a great way to increase stamina, and those happy hormones (endorphins). In turn this will most likely help to improve your sex life. In addition, one might find that there is also more energy to keep up with your baby or toddler. On the other hand, do not work out if you have not had enough rest the night before; go for a short walk instead. Moreover, it is important to take time out to reflect.

Furthermore, it is essential that you are good to yourself. Take up a hobby and spend some time doing something for you. Schedule an appointment with a massage therapist; it's a great way to relax those tense muscles and improve blood circulation. Picking up a hobby is also a great way to meet new people or other moms, to connect and exchange ideas. It will make for a happier person, which will not only be rewarding for you, but also for everyone in your household and in your life.

In addition, phone calls are a great way to check in with your spouse. However, I find that emails and text messages are a fun and intimate way to stay connected. Then again, that depends on your preference.

In the late evening turn off the television and the lights in the unoccupied areas (rooms) of the house. Turn off the lights in your child's room and turn on the lamp or night light instead. Then lay with them and read a book to them until he or she falls asleep. More importantly, use whatever method works for you in getting your child to bed. In addition, dim the lights in the hall way and surrounding rooms to create a quiet and relaxed atmosphere.

Now that the children are in bed; initiate and spend some quiet time with your spouse. One can set a hot bath, light candles and place them in the corners of the tub or the corners of the bathroom. A bath is not only a great way to relax, but also a great way to connect with each other or simply a great way to communicate with each other.

Other nights one can dress up for him; don new lingerie and surprise him. Try to be creative and make it fun. A great option is to introduce romantic foods and wine into the moment (like strawberries in chocolate and poached peaches in champagne) and make it interesting! It's been said that certain foods can make a person more passionate.

Schedule date nights and love making (or sex) when necessary. Make sure that you do commit to something that you can handle on your busy schedule. Do not play it by ear, because most likely it won't come to fruition; especially when you have children. It is very easy for one to put things off thinking that it will get done the next day and it doesn't.

On date nights you can bring the children to grandma's or even get a babysitter; then return home and create a romantic ambiance. Get out the massage oil; set the dinner table, light some fragrant candles and the like. Use your imagination... Conversely, one can make reservations at his or her favorite restaurant and go out to a romantic dinner, dinner and a movie, or for a long walk along the water front.

I hope the tips above acts as a catalyst for getting that spark back into your marriage or relationship. Bonne chance!