How I Quit Farmville: 10 Steps to Freedom

People become addicted to the Facebook application Farmville for various reasons. For me it appealed to simultaneous desires for more fiscal independence, a closer relationship to nature, and a greater sense of community. It was very satisfying to grow my own food, even if I couldn't actually eat it. I was under the delusion that my life was truly balanced, as long as I could harvest my virtual vegetables before they withered. And I had friends from far-away places who were now virtual neighbors, and they would send me gifts!

Yes, it was a glorious fantasy at first, and my farm became a model of visual artistry and productivity. I visited Facebook everyday. Sometimes I would wake up at ridiculous hours just to harvest my Superberries. Some people can let their plants wither and not give them another thought, but some of us take the responsibility seriously. I was nurturing my Farmville farm as though it were made of real living things that depended on me. This was when I realized I had a problem.

How I Quit Farmville, Step #1: Admit you have a problem.

Admitting you have a problem is the first step towards recovery, no matter what the addiction. Steps #2 through #9 were created from denial. If you know you are addicted to Farmville, and you want to save a lot of aggravation, please skip to step #10.

How I Quit Farmville, Step #2: Plant only crops with simultaneous growing times.

Many Farmville addicts at this point will give in to the temptation to grow a monoculture, thereby ensuring the least amount of visits necessary to harvest their crops on time. This however is a terrible sacrifice of creativity and should be avoided at all costs. Instead, I began to plant crops with similar growing times. For instance, if you plant pumpkins, tomatoes and sugar cane at once, they will all be ready to harvest in 8 hours.

How I Quit Farmville, Step #3: Choose the hardiest crops.

I realized that to minimize my time on Farmville I had to plant the crops with the longest growing time. If I planted only artichokes, watermelon, and yellow melon, I'd only have to visit the application every 4 days!

This strategy worked for a while, but my natural inclination towards complexity would soon take over, and I would not be able to resist the increasing diversity available as my status level increased. Before long my recovery would completely relapse. It was a pathetic cycle until I reached Step #4.

How I Quit Farmville, Step #4: Actually, don't grow crops at all.

It suddenly occurred to me that Farmville animals and trees never wither! This means that I can stay away from the game as long as I want and my virtual cows will not have mastitis; my virtual trees will hold their fruit forever!

I thought that Farmville and I had found a happy relationship, until I noticed pop-up solicitations becoming more frequent. No, I would not like to buy Farm Cash. No, I would not like to check out the new seasonal limited-edition knick-knack clutter. Gifts from Farmville neighbors were becoming more obscure and my farm was beginning to look like a dumping ground for random clip-art.

How I Quit Farmville, Step #5: Never buy Farm Cash.

If you can rationalize Farm Cash as a priority, your addiction is more serious than mine, or you have more money than me. The more that you invest in Farmville, the harder it is to quit.

How I Quit Farmville, Step #6: Recognize that it is work.

I found myself spending an awful lot of time managing the mess that my Farmville farm had become. I was not growing a single crop, yet here I was, back on the bandwagon--and the hay cart, a couple li'l red wagons, a few blue wheel barrows, etc. I couldn't resist decorating with the little kitty in the pumpkin, the reindeer with the red nose, elephants, turkeys, toy soldiers, perfect flower bouquets, a giant redwood tree, piles of leaves and snow. I had a forest of maple, three orchards, a lake for the birds, two full cow barns, a chicken coop, barns, silos, sheds, and an ever-growing list of unchecked gifts. I had become a slave to my virtual farm's maintenance, and I could not keep up.

How I Quit Farmville, Step #7: Never, ever expand your farm.

I resisted the temptation to expand again. (Do you really need to make room for the hot air balloon?) The bigger the farm, the greater the imagined responsibilities, the more stress, the more time leeched away from actuality.

How I Quit Farmville, Step #8: Um, actually, do expand your farm!

The sooner that you become overwhelmed by Farmville junk, the sooner you will be able to abandon it.

How I Quit Farmville, Step #9: Enrich your actual life.

Now when I felt like playing Farmville, I went outside instead. I breathed the real air and thought about ways to fill the Farmville void. If you don't own your own land, you can plant some beans or kitchen herbs in pots. Later you can bring some of your actual harvest to your actual neighbors.

How I Quit Farmville, Step #10: Delete it from your Application Settings.

I thought for a while that I would continue to work on my farm until I'd created some beautiful mandala or simplified it into a message spelled out in hay bales. But it's gone too far. I try to work on it, to arrange and delete, to organize towards some divine vision, and a pop-up or glitch will interrupt. It is not worth it. Just let it go...