How to Raise a Polite Child

Oh, the horror of being around a rude child! We've all heard it, "Give me that!" and, "I want it!" Needless to say, it's not hard to tire of being around a child who is abrupt with his demands, then stomps off as soon as his selfish appetite is satiated. Most of us have seen children like that and thought, "Well my kids will never be like that." However, if we are not careful, we can find ourselves victims of the same pitfalls that we despise. Here are a few tips that can help you avoid raising a rude, demanding child:

1. Make your child wait. When a child is a newborn, we delight in meeting her needs instantaneously. As soon as she makes the tiniest peep, the binkie goes into her mouth and she is walked. Though it is good to respond promptly to the needs of children, by meeting their every whim immediately, we condition them to expect this type of rapid-fire response into childhood and adolescence. By the time your baby is a few months old, she can wait a few minutes before being placated. Begin to train her that her demands will not be instantly fulfilled. By the time your baby is a year to eighteen months old, she should be able to wait 5 to 10 minutes without crying while you prepare her something to eat. As your child grows, give him the opportunity to demonstrate patience. If he throws a fit when you tell him dinner will be in a half-hour, instruct him about his unacceptable behavior and discipline him. Do not let your child expect that the whole house will run to gratify his every wish. Not only does this have a negative effect on you and your child, but also to the society to which your child is a part.

2. Model acceptable behavior. If you command your children to do things, without a word of appreciation or thanks, you are teaching him to respond in kind. When your spouse brings you a cup of coffee, do you thank him? When your child cleans up his toys, do you tell him you are proud of him, or is it just something you expect? Do not expect your child to say "please", "thank you" and "excuse me" if you do not do so yourself. You should endeavor to teach your child manners at home. Have him say "please" when he wants a second serving at dinner. Teach him to say "thank you" after he is finished with his meal. Instruct him to say "excuse me" when he budges by his brother or sister in the hallway. Your child should learn to show respect to his family at home by being polite. A natural outgrowth of this training at home is that your child will use these social graces in public. The approving looks of people as they hear your little one say "excuse me" at the grocery store is a satisfying pay-back for all of your hard work!

3. Teach him humility. In a culture of "self-esteem" and "self-help" the term "humility" seems long-forgotten. However, your child cannot be truly concerned about others and desirous of treating them with respect until he has a proper view of himself. I am in no way implying that you should shame, denigrate, or humiliate your child. I do believe, however, that your child needs to understand that the needs of those around him are just as important as his. This is hard because children are naturally self-centered. Show your child your own concern for others. Take him to the grocery store to shop for the food shelf, and take him with you when you deliver it. When he is enjoying a nice bath, tell him that there are children who are not able to enjoy indoor plumbing. This type of talk will in no way depress or discourage your child. Instead, it will help him learn to appreciate what he has. Children need to be exposed to the world beyond their four bedroom, two-level suburban home.