How to Raise Productive Children

Congratulations on the birth of your child! She truly is a bundle of blessings, but she is now your responsibility. Not only are you charged with the obligatory survival needs of this child, but with the privilege of teaching her a moral code of acceptable and unacceptable behaviors along with self-help skills to ready her for a productive adulthood. Seem overwhelming? Let me break it down for you into more easily digestible bites.

Your child needs you to build and establish boundaries of "right" and "wrong" for her. While certain value judgments are subjective, it is the parents' obligation to build and confirm acceptable and unacceptable behaviors for the benefit of your child. This knowledge is not inherent, nor is it absolute, but there are some basics that are fundamental and general enough not to cross religious thresholds.

For example, your toddler is routinely placed in a daycare facility during the work week, and one day when you arrive to pick up your child, you are told she has bitten another child. Alarms go off in your head and heart, but you must take some action. You must find a way to communicate to your child that biting is an "unacceptable" behavior. ( see 5 Ways to Prevent Toddler Biting ) Language is the best path away from unacceptable behaviors. For toddlers, most biting, hitting, and tantrums are done out of frustration. Teaching the child how to use words to express their feelings and wishes is the best way to overcome undesirable behaviors, and at the same time, she is empowered toward independence and self-expression.

The development of self-help skills emerges with the child's desire for independence and autonomy and should be encouraged. Language, again, is the primary tool, but by the time a child is 18 - 36 months, she should be encouraged to dress herself, put on her shoes and socks, brush her teeth and hair, pick up her toys, clean up simple messes, and use the potty. Providing your child with some "dress up cloths" is an easy way to stimulate this. By letting her try to dress herself, you are again, empowering her sense of self, and stimulating her motor skills at the same time. Let her fingers practice zipping, snapping, and working buttons. Clearly, the child will still need help, but encourage her to learn to ask for help to buckle her pants or zip her jacket. Easy slide on shoes can be purchased to aid in dressing.

The point of parenting is to equip your child with the life skills necessary to become a productive adult. While educational issues are important, they are meaningless without a moral substructure, without an understanding of what is acceptable and what is not in our society. Knowledge alone means little without some frame of reference that expresses both a sense of individuality and self-reliance.

In this day of broken or mixed families, a sour economy, and daycare facilities, the time parents give to their child is extraordinarily precious. Make the most of this time with lots of hugs and kisses, lots of praise and encouragement, and lots of words of acceptance. When your child does something unacceptable, love them enough to correct them and be consistent in that correction. Never discipline for age-appropriate behavior (spilled milk or a potty accident). Rather, correct for defiance of your authority and code. Remember, you are the parent, and she is the child! She is counting on you to teach her the code to life.