How to Raise Siblings to Be Friends

Are you struggling with children that don't seem to get along? If you are, and find yourself seeking helpful tips online, you have come to the right place. Oh, there is plenty of advice online about bringing home a new baby, or obvious statements like, "don't label your children, calling one child 'the good one.'" However, if you are beyond that and dealing with school age or teenage children, it may be time to get a little more creative. Here are six great things my mother used to do and I do today with my own four kids. Trust me, they work!

Work Together

When children fight, the path of least resistance is usually separation. They are fighting so separate them, right? Not so fast, often times the true peace comes from making children work together. When my sisters and I would fight, my mother would assign us a task that we had to perform together, typically a chore. These weren't just any chores, they were chores that required face time and team work. Two, I vividly remember.

One chore was to paint the fence in our yard. She made each of us sit on opposite sides of the fence and instructed us to go at the same pace to capture drips. By the end of that fence, we were covered in paint and laughing like crazy. The slow, methodical and very time consuming task had a way of forcing us to get past the anger (though it definitely began with us being hateful to one another) and work through the silent treatment. It moved us slowly into conversations out of boredom and gave us a common enemy - my mother (for making us work!) It also made us concentrate on something else and gave us an outlet to make a mess. (generally, a good thing for mad kids.)

Second, she would have us Windex doors and windows around the house. She would make one of us go on the outside, while the other stayed inside. Again, she would instruct us both to go at the same pace to better clean the window. This task was great because it didn't require talking, but "sign language" through the glass and threw us into forced and reasonable communication. Both these tasks required facing one another, not separated, festering in silence about how mad we were.

Model Good Sibling Relationships
If you are seeking advice on creating better relationships with your siblings, it may be a good time to look in the mirror and evaluate your relationships with your own siblings. One of the best teachers is example. How is yours? If it could be better, talk about it with your kids. Ask them what they would do to make it better. Let them see you work toward positive relationships. If your relationship with your siblings is good - be sure to translate those stories to your kids and explain in sensitive moments how much they too, will rely on their siblings as they age.

Bedtime Stories

When children are school age, they usually beg for bedtime stories. Begin planting seeds in the stories you tell them of strong sibling relationships. Tell a story of your past, when you were a child and accomplished something great, or just had fun with your own sibling. If you don't have stories of your own, look for a book that emulates strong sibling relationships and share those stories with your kids.

If you have teenagers, never underestimate how interested your child may be about when you were a teenager. Just because kids are acting more mature, does not mean that they are totally disinterested.

Display Good Times

All too often, we take photos only to stuff them into albums that end up in boxes. If your siblings are going through a rough patch, find photos where they were having fun together and display them in a frame around the house. Shoot, blow them up to an 8x10 and hang them in the bathroom, where they are sure to get noticed! Get out the old albums and remind them of the good times. Younger children often forget early memories and photos can help jog their minds and take them back to a time when they valued their sibling.

Vacation

Vacations don't all have to be trips to Disney World. Perhaps your budget doesn't allow for long, lavish vacations. The point is simply time away from everyone else except the family. When the family is away together, children ban together in the absence of distractions from home (encourage cell phones to stay home too!) Shared experiences and creating memories are things that help people bond and a day of tubing, camping, or just a weekend away doing anything but the norm may be just what your kids need to reconnect.

Reward

Ask yourself, "When was the last time I rewarded my kids for working together or getting along?" It is easy to take good behavior for granted, especially when we feel like this is expected behavior. Certainly kids do not need to be rewarded every time they are tolerant or kind. However, every now and then, it is worth pointing out that you value this behavior and nothing says that like a reward, even if it is something small, like Chinese Take Out! It is a grand reminder to our children of our priorities. In the end, it may generate siblings who make "getting along" a priority without our encouragement.