How to Raise a Thankful Child

This time of year many parents attend family gatherings with fingers crossed and egos braced, hoping that their children will be appreciative of the gifts that they are given. Whether it is a holiday get-together or a birthday party, an attitude of gratitude is something that no parent should over look. Here we will explore how you can cultivate thankfulness in your child all year long.

Expect a "thank you." Many parents have to tack on, "What do you say?" to any interaction in which their child is the recipient in order to elicit a "thank you" from their child. While this training is necessary, we can take it one step further with some proactive measures. Before entering a situation in which thanks will be required, tell your children what you expect. "We are having dinner at Aunt Betty's. I expect you to say thank you to her directly for the meal and also when someone passes you an item at the table." You can even do a little role play to make sure there is not confusion as to what is expected.

Create opportunities for them to give. Nothing helps a child develop a healthy attitude toward receiving than by being a giver. We need to find opportunities to teach our children that giving is simply another form of receiving - it is just that what is received is intangible. Even young children can give gifts at holidays and birthdays. Well-selected dollar store purchases or homemade crafts give them great opportunities to think "outside of themselves" for a moment and consider the likes and interests of others.

Say No. Children have a hard time being grateful when they always get what they want. This type of indulgence will never allow them to learn how to delay gratification or have an "other orientation" (where the needs of others come first). If you want your children to be grateful, you will have to say no. You, as the parent, can say no without explanation (we can't do that now because . . .), bargaining (not now, maybe later) or apology (I am sorry, I wish I could get you . . .). Practice saying no in the mirror until you are comfortable putting a period after it - and nothing else.

Provide perspective. Maybe your mother told you there were starving children in China when you refused to eat your brussel sprouts as a kid. While manipulating your children to eat by using the plight of those who are suffering may not be the best approach, your children can and should have an understanding of the immense privilege that comes from living in this society. The vast majority of us are never without food, shelter or clothing. This is not true for much of the world. A healthy dose of reality will help your children see their relative bounty in comparison to other children world-wide. How you choose to share this information with your children is an individual matter that must take into consideration your children's ages and development as well as your family's value system.

Teach the difference between a need and a want . The next time you are in a store and your child proclaims, "Mommy! Look a new game! I really NEED to get that!" you can simply respond, "No. You WANT that game. There is a difference." Take the opportunity to really explain that it is more than semantics: there is a vast difference between the two.

In this increasingly self-absorbed culture, we need to take extra measures to ensure that our children develop the valuable trait of thankfulness. Using some of these ideas will put you well on your way to doing just that.